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Bullied out of my job by a colleague! Is there anything I can do?

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Question - (7 October 2010) 6 Answers - (Newest, 28 February 2011)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi all,

I have to get this out or I'll lose the plot!

I've just been bullied out of my job. I am an extremely hard worker i.e. at work early every morning, believe in teamwork, frequently help others with things that aren't part of my job etc.. you know the type - the bottom-feeder, the scapegoat for all the buck passers out there!

The bully is what I enjoy secretly referring to as "horseface" or the "dried up old spinster". She has one of those jobs where no one really knows what she does. She has no work-related calls, no deadlines, no targets etc. She sits in her office all day on personal calls, talking to her friends about me.. whispering and laughing. She takes two or three lunchbreaks a day, but had the gall to bail me up in front of other staff if I'm five minutes late back from doing the banking!

She literally sits and takes NOTES on ME, but her job doesn't tie in with mine in any way. Up until this week, she refused to even be in the same ROOM as me, she hated me that much!

She is NOT my boss and has no right to treat me this way. I am answerable to one person - my boss - who happens to be the biggest spineless wanker in history. Because this woman doesn't like answering the phones, he has not let me have one day off from work and I've been in the company for a year! He is all about lumping me with the work to avoid confrontation from the bitchy women in the office that will pipe up and make his life hell.

Despite telling him many times about this bullying, he did absolutely nothing. Finally, I had enough and resigned. I decided to tell the staff why I was leaving. I told them I was being bullied and I'd had enough of the treatment.

I have a few loyal friends there (or thought I did) and these people helped spread the word for me. They saw and understood what had been happening and supported me in my decision.

Thinking the bosses (there are three at the top) would ask me to stay, they've waved me goodbye and I've since been 'blacklisted' in the company. Staff are taking a wide birth around me - even people I thought were my friends! Everyone is acting distant. I know some of it can be put down to paranoia, but I know in my gut there's been many things said.. I just can't prove anything.

I have overheard my boss dragging my name through the mud, but couldn't fully make out what he was saying. There's been many a secret meeting in the bully's office. While I'm out the front working away, they're all conspiring against me with these silly little meetings and rumors. It feels like I'm back in primary school, only these are adults!

The bully has the emotional maturity of a five year old and talks like one too. Now that I've handed in my resignation, she's acting absolutely MANIC! It's like she's won the lottery! She used to be moody, and basically did nothing all day but watch me and pick fault. NOW, she's making WORK-RELATED calls, personally greeting every staff member every day and asking them how their weekend was.. and talking on the phone to other staff, sounding SO ecstatic, I've lost count of the amount of times I heard her say the word, "fantastic" today!!

The bosses have all closed ranks against ME like I'M the trouble maker, when all I was really doing was coming out and telling them honestly what things had been like for me. NOW, the ONE person I had been telling this to for months, has turned on me and is spreading rumors. I am forced to hold my breath to get my annual leave payout, but I'm really finding it hard. I would love to drive a forklift into the company, pick up this bitch and chuck her into oncoming traffic!!

Every single thing she has done this week has been in some way to make me feel like shit.. and it's worked. She's letting me know she's won and she can do what she wants. I feel sick at the thought of it.

Is there anything I can actually do? Why is this happening.. how can people be this evil!!???????? How do they look in the mirror at themselves and not feel sickened with guilt?

View related questions: at work, bullied, my boss

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011):

I have just come across your post. Sorry to hear you had such a hard time. I have been through similar.

I have experienced real bad bullying in my last two jobs where I have been the longest.

There are some excellent information on line about why people bully and what attracts bullying and your and my case are classic.

We are both confident to speak up. This is what bullies dont like. We are then seen as trouble makers. the more we speak the more severely the bullying becomes. Others dont what to side with us as we now appear to be trouble makers so we end up on our own.

There is not much help for us legally. If we sue we lose our job and it makes it hard to get another.

If I was to go through this again, I would confront the bully in a diplomatic manner and state what you dont like. So stand up to them. They are like little kids and try to knock about those that appear timid. If things dont improve, count your loses and LEAVE.

I suffered 7 years of bullying. I was fortunate to have an HR manager who was on my side.

This is very rare. If you feel no one is supporting you, leave before your reputation is damage and you risk getting a bad reference.

Its sad but until their are laws to protect the well being of employees at work, this is the best we can do.

There are other companies that are better to work for.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010):

Oh my gosh!!!! This story is exact mirror to my incident I'm going through right now. Only difference is: I'm trying to stick it out. My health is going down finally, I've been dealing with this situation for three years now. It only gets worse and worse.

I don't believe there's anything we can do against the "bully"... I've certainly been looking for something.

I hope there is someone that will give you an answer. There really needs to be a law against it.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Mine will be coming soon.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010):

Nime,

I have posted three times now. The first time I posted I replied to almost EVERY post, with lengthy responses answering their questions. You did not post on there though.

The second post only had your response and so I thought it was too long for people to bother reading. I have a habit of overwriting. In answer to your question, NO, she does NOT have a family member in the company.

I posted a third time because I felt the second post was too wordy and also the situation has changed since I first posted.

The number of posts is not going to clog up your computer. Can't you understand that when people are going through a difficult time, sometimes they just need to write it down or talk it out? People that post on this site are facing some big issues and are highly emotionally charged.

Rather than rudely stating the obvious to multi posters (and I'm there's a few), you might want to be a bit more understanding of that fact. Without posters, this site wouldn't exist.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (7 October 2010):

eyeswideopen agony auntI guess she's venting Nime...

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (7 October 2010):

Get a lawyer and sue.

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A female reader, Nime United States +, writes (7 October 2010):

Nime agony auntHow many times are you going to post this question? This is the third time I've seen it and I responded on both of the previous ones. You don't even respond to the people who take the time to post answers...

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