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Broke up without having sex, I now have thoughts that I was not good enough, any advice on how to stop these thoughts?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 December 2008) 1 Answers - (Newest, 14 December 2008)
A male United Kingdom age 36-40, *99chris writes:

Hi,

I'm 21 and I have a mental dilemma on my head and it has been bothering me for the last 4 months since I broke up with my girlfriend.

I had been in a relationship with her for a year and a half when we broke up but we had never had sex. We're both still virgins (well I am now anyway). Its a horrible stigma but I feel as though I wasnt good enough and Its tearing my heart up that her next boyfriend could "make it happen". We tried a few times but eventually it became awkward to talk about and too much pressure to DO IT, she was very very sensitive in that area and found it hurt her far too much. We did everything else sexually without any form of penetration and Im pretty sure we were very much in love. Im just constantly giving myself a hard time and thinking I was never good enough and never will be for anyone.

Im generally just looking for advice or a similar story to show that im not alone.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008):

If you had reasons to break up then you had reasons to break up and you can't let the past bother you. If both of you didn't want to do it, then why worry about it? Did she tell you why you both broke up? If not, is it possible to ask her why, just so you get some closer and can move on? It will hurt to know she will do it with someone else, but think of it this way, now you know she hasn't taken yours from you, and you still have it. You're only 21, you're not that old. If I could, could I ask why you think she didn't think you were good enough? After all, it sort of sounds like it works both ways.

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