A
male
age
36-40,
*yK
writes:My fiance and I have been together about four years now. We don't have the most exciting sex life, but that is mostly due to her lack of libido and stressful work at the moment. Still, we manage 1-2 times per week and I always make sure she is taken care of first.(Just so this isn't the focus of the conversation, yes, she does cum and no, she doesn't fake it. We are very open about this sort of stuff).Anyway, I brought up the idea of bringing in a small vibrator (not a dildo, just a small rotar for clitoral stimulation) and although hesitant she is fine either way. I only thought about it because there are times she simply has a hard time getting off (maybe 25%?). Because of this, and because her drive isn't always that high, I am simply looking to spice things up a bit.What I DON'T want is for such a toy to somehow harm our relationship, closeness, and sex life. I want it to turn her on, but I don't want her to become dependent on it. I would hate for such a thing to suddenly become necessary when having sex when we have already been together four years without it.(Also note that although we are open about what feels good and whether or not we get off, she doesn't really like talking about sex that much, so I don't wish to overwhelm her with discussion/etc).I'm not sure what advice I am looking for. Just opinions I guess.Thanks.
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male
reader, NyK +, writes (19 February 2011):
NyK is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the responses.
I voiced my concerns about it tonight (the part about not wanting to become dependent on it) and she got a bit upset since she hasn't even tried it yet. I think I came across the wrong way, but I only had the best of intentions in mind. She says she doesn't even care if we get one and to just do what I want. Part of me wants to get something because I really do want her to feel great, but then there's this somewhat insecure feeling in the back of my head saying that "she might like it -too- much and become dependent on it." Not to say I lack confidence in my abilities, but really, how can you compete with an electric device? I would hate for her to only want that from now on.
I know it's silly, heh. Getting the thing was my idea in the first place, and now I'm the one no longer sure about it. She doesn't care either way.
I hate that I voiced my concern in the first place, but it's too late now and fortunately our relationship is strong; she won't hold it against me or anything. Regardless, I hate to show her any such insecurities.
I may just hold off on the toy for a while. We're getting married in a month and moving countries at the end of the year, so perhaps I'll save it for the future? Or maybe I'll change my mind over the next week or two.
A
female
reader, hotinlove  +, writes (16 February 2011):
My man brought one home to me one day. It was s very small one, nothing intimidating and nothing that could replace his own member! It was something we had never talked about before. When he brought it home it was great because he explained it was for me, but it's fun to play with things together! We both looked it over, had a couple laughs about it. He told me he was going to put it in the nightstand for me and when I was ready I could have a better look for myself! And well, did I ever! It was a turn on for me knowing that he wants to do whatever to keep me satisfied (I was anyways!). After a couple solo times of me checking it out, I decided to bring it out when we were together. It was just a fun little extra. It is not a replacement, not a necessity, just something fun to add to the mix! Bring one home for her and let her check it out on her own time, she will be forever thankful!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (16 February 2011):
 I don't think it's a bad idea to give it a try. Trojan makes a good one from what I hear, and plenty of girls I know will swear by the silver bullet.
Just make sure she knows to tell you to stop if she doesn't like it. As long as you're both open though, it shouldn't be a problem.
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