A
female
age
41-50,
*liyah
writes:I`ve been with my boyfriend for a year now and sex has it ups and downs but he tells me that he will not go wild me cause he respect me too much. He doesn't do oral sex cause he doesn`t see me as an object. Is he not attracted to me or does he see me only as a good friend? When I talked to him about it, his answer was that he`s attracted too much to me :(
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male
reader, Markingbad  +, writes (24 October 2009):
 No offence but make sure your nice n fresh down there. Tell him it wont bite. He sounds afraid or inhibited. More of a dud than a stud.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (23 October 2009):
 Now I'm really over thinking. I just looked up Aliyah's flag. Lack of passion in a Mediterranean man seems impossible to me. Perhaps I'm prejudiced, but I can only think of one example in my experience. In his case it was misplaced passion rather than missing passion. As a result of heartbreak in his 20's he avoided attachment his whole life. He was Greek, raised in Egypt. I wonder if Aliyah's boy friend could benefit from some counseling, I'm now thinking he is repressing something.Just my latest guessFA
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (23 October 2009):
Sorry to have offended you Older Sister. For some reason I thought the oral problem was with him receiving not giving. You are right if he is using respect as a reason for not giving that simply does not make sense. We may need clarification from Aliya on this. Usually I would suggest communication before a breakup, but they have been talking, and it has been a year.FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): My boyfriend had these issues as well :) It was a bit endearing... cause he would hesitate so much. I gathered that he was only doing that because he "did not want to disrespect" me.
So we talked and I asked him if I were to do something to him would he find that I was being disrespectful...? And slowly we have made progress.
Could also be all those images from porn movies or his past where a lot of sexual activity is geared towards humiliation and calling women sluts... for instance during oral sex or certain positions.
You need to tell him that disrespect can be even in a glance whereas intimate sexual acts are just that, intimate.
Talk to him
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (22 October 2009):
This is one of the troubles with "nice guys". He is trying to treat you like a lady. Just like he was taught. And, you are getting bored. You need fantasy and passion, and adventure. Not every day but frequently. This reminds me of an old song from the 60's "Johnny get Angry" By Joanie Sommers. It is a little over the top, but the message is the same.
I would advise you to get him to role play with you. If he will do it it should give him permission to let his hair down a bit and get wild with you.
FA
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A
female
reader, Keiarra +, writes (22 October 2009):
My advice is... MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!! My boyfriend is the shy type, and i can tell that he wants it, he is just afraid of my reaction. So i make the first move( but that is not all the time). So what i say is talk to him and tell him not to be afraid to touch you and your reaction will be pleasing. But if he just does not want to have sex with you, you have to make that adjustment and wait until he is.
-hope the advice works.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2009): I think he loves you more than he is sexually attracted to you. He still may think you are totally beautiful/sexy though. Just that his love is quite a bit stronger than his lust for you.
Not sure what to do about it...
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