A
female
age
30-35,
*iswifey1
writes:My boyfriend has family that lives in California,and he`s planning to go to Cali for about 2 months to stay with his fam,to attempt to get a record deal (he does Hip Hop), while I stay here in NC with our daughter until he comes back. Should I worry about him doing the "unthinkable"? He says he`s going just for the sake of making things happen for us, and not going to clubs and bars out there. He seems wise,as far as his mental decisions concerning me, minus the fact he loves looking/bragging about other girls, which pisses me off, and he knows I cant stand it! Reply to this Question
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reader, hiswifey1 +, writes (4 March 2015):
hiswifey1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey! Thanks for all the advice! His cousin lives in California! As of right now, he has decided not to go to California! He is great at rapping,doing hip hop,freestyles,etc! He does have a Reverbnation page.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2014): Let me see if I have this right: he is your boyfriend, you have a child together, he likes to brag about other girls and he is off to California for two months, correct? You don't have to worry about him at all . . . it's yourself and your daughter you should be worrying about!
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 December 2014):
 Uhh, I'd be more concerned about him not coming back than him cheating. He's going to his family, alone, for months, without any sort of lead on a deal? Why hasn't he sent demos to these record companies? Or has he? Does he have any sort of agent who can do advance scouting there and give him an itinerary? Has he HAD a demo made?
He definitely will go to bars and clubs because that is where musicians play at. He has to. If he is the cheating kind, he will cheat if you worry and he will if you don't.
It almost sounds like he's unhappy with his life, and he's taking off for good. How will he care for his child financially while he is gone? Has he arranged child support? Going for dreams is all well and fine, but kids will starve if they are not cared for. Yes, I know you're here, but parental responsibilities don't just get shelved.
I'm harsh on him because of what you say about his bragging and a roving eye about girls. He doesn't need to be gone two months. With enough planning, he could make initial meet and greets in a week-to-two week period and be back home for some follow-up.
Plus, he has to have a fan base to get a record deal. Does he have one in California? How about at home? Has he generated enough of a buzz online with Reverbnation, Soundclick, or other indie sites? Where is he at in this process??
If the answer is "nowhere", then be afraid. If he's been beating the streets and has been making a living at the bars, clubs, local following, local record stores, indie pages, and so on, then it would make more sense.
However, if he's done none of these things, then his getting a record deal purpose is a ruse. He's getting a life away permanently.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2014): Well 2 months is a long time. But it has nothing to do with where he is or how far away he is. If it is in his character to cheat, he will. If it is not in his character to do so, if he loves his family and is committed to you, then he won't. Put it this way, he is not going to do anything different in Cali that he hasn't already done in NC. I live in Cali right in the heart of the entertainment industry. A few months ago, I met a couple of up and coming hip hop artists who'd just moved here from the East coast. Good looking guys and very dedicated to their work. One of them had a girlfriend back home who he was very in love with. He wasn't here to cheat on her. He genuinely was here to start his career. And all he did was work. Even while the rest of us were partying right in front of him. He would go out to industry parties all the time and it was to network. To try to connect with big artists who attend these events to see his work and whatnot. He didn't need to lie to us. That's what he was doing. But his girlfriend too was involved in music and entertainment so I think that having that in common with her was integral to their romance and being better able to support each other mutually. As that famous quote goes, "love does not consist of gazing at each other but looking out in the same direction." So it really depends. There are a lot of people in this town who are here to make a serious go at a career and there are those who just want to have fun. Just like anywhere else in the world. You've got to trust your gut on this one. I think it is too bad that you two don't have commonalities when it comes to your career and your dreams. He wants to be a hip hop artist. What's your dream? If you like music too or some aspect of the industry, perhaps it would be good to pursue in order to strengthen your relationship and find some common ground with what you both want for your futures. Like a Sharon Osbourne type. She is not a musician but she is a good business woman and used her wits to support her husband's career and became his right hand woman. Remember, "love does not consist of gazing at each other but looking out in the same direction."
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2014): If you're the wifey of someone trying to get into the entertainment field, I guess you're going to have to have a tougher skin. I'm not exactly sure how he plans to make his way into the music industry without being exposed to all that entails. Women comprise the widest audience, and he has to appeal to them; if he wants to be successful as an artist.
If you knew he was the player-type from the start,
don't expect any changes. If you choose a type, expect that type to live-up to their reputation.
Being angry when he looks and brags about women puts you in a pretty difficult position. He can't be popular without a fan-base. He has to have sex-appeal and confidence.
He will be expected to be able to woo an audience. He won't always be in a studio. He has a lot to learn, if he thinks just handing out demos is going to break him into the industry. He will have to perform in-front of an audience. He needs experience performing for people. He has to break his way in. It will take a lot longer than two months!
A record deal isn't just sitting there waiting for him. Most music-artist start-out with clubs or they have to find radio stations willing to play their demos. He has a lot of competition out there. So how can he reach an audience without exposure through dance clubs and where people go to enjoy new talent? Women will be there.
Women who are in relationships with performers, actors, and athletes have to be pretty tough. Groupies throw themselves at guys like that. Even upstarts who don't even have a name or aren't even famous. The more sex appeal he has, the more marketable he is. It's not just about talent. I hope he has a realistic perception about what he's about to embark on. I hope he has a solid plan, if no one has offered him a deal.
Perhaps you might want to have a discussion with him before he leaves to let him know exactly where you stand. Let him
know you expect financial-support for your baby. So looking for a day-job better be a part of the plan.
California is is the mecca of sexy hard-bodies, fast cars, and girls, girls, girls. So you've got to be realistic too.
He will be staying with his family. He has no income, and he most likely will have to find a job to send home money while he pursues his dream. His family isn't going to let him lie around doing nothing; so I suspect he'll be pretty busy working while trying to find someone to listen to his music. The odds are highly against his success.
California is full of talented people. He'll see a lot of disappointment, and face a lot of rejection.
He'll need your love and support. Remind him of that. You're the one who has his baby, and his back. You're his number one fan. If he lets you down, let him know you're not going to make life easy for him. If he doesn't want baby-mama drama, keep it zipped-up and focus on his dream.
If he wants to make a better life for you and the baby, he'll take you seriously. If it's all about him, and this is his chance to use distance to getaway, you'll know. You'll see all the signs. Your mother didn't raise no fool. Make sure you prepare to setup for child-support, just in-case his memory gets a little foggy and the distance makes him feel too safe.
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