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Boyfriend says I'm a controlling person, what can I do?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 May 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 27 May 2009)
A female American Samoa age 30-35, anonymous writes:

i have a problem with my boyfriend we've been dating for 3 years and he says that i'm a controlling person and he states that becuase i told him to stop talking to one of his girl friends because she hurted me so many times and we broke off because of her once , now he says that if he does stop talking to her than i'm a controlling *woman* . now the other part off the problem is that when we broke up , i did other stuff , not really proud of , and he's not over yet .but the point is we broke up so he doesn't have the right to blame me ,,,,..... in conclusion, he wants me to be okay with him hangin out with her seeing her even she coming over his place , until one day they may stop talking, SO do u see me as a controlling person , i don't want him talking to her , because for me it hurts like hell if i'm hangin out with him then she phones ,i don't know why but i just can't take it... at the end i told him it's either me or her,,, do you think i'm being selfish,,,by the way i told him it's either me or her because i don't want to end up cheating on him or hurting him in any way,,,,, any suggestionss???

**mod note: Editted out a derogatory term for a woman.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009):

well she went behind my back over his place , and he didn't tell me and i found out by myself, and he wasn't willing to tell me ,when i'm with him she comes in between so like if i'm kissing him she comes and like kiss him ,,,we were once sitting and i swear her nipples were shown , she took half her clothes off and she keeps talking about me in a very bad way to the extent that when i see her friends they keep looking at me in a very mean way , and at the end she tells my friends that she goes behind my back over his place , and she once told me ,' don't wory if your boyfriend tries to touch me i'll say no',and the moment i go to the toilet or so she keeps taking with him pictures but not the normal pictures, she keeps touching him , and when she goes over his place she gets vodka and they'd drink alone,,,, she taes off her clothes and always insists on wearing his and also she phones him like a zillion time per day , i could be hangin out with him and she could phone him mora than 3 times , so i'm very uncomfortable with him knowing her i can't trust him and even if i pretended that i did it's like then i don't want to be around him

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009):

How did she hurt you? Is she an ex or have they been involved before?

If they're just friends, I don't see why you are so threatened. If she's hurt you then it's separate from his relationship with her.

It's hard to give you advice because you've left out major information about your and his history with her.

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