A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We are both in our early 20's and in a very serious relationship. He just joined the Navy a couple of months ago and is leaving for boot camp in August. I know that he will be assigned to a different city once he has completed boot camp, and he has been asking me if I am planning on moving to be close to him. My issue here is that I have a very small family, it is just me, my sister and my mom and a few distant cousins here and there. I'm not sure what is the best decision to make. I know that I have to think about my future with him but I also feel like I would be leaving my family behind. I am going to eventually have to make a choice but I was wondering if any of you have been in a similar or same situation. I would honestly greatly appreciate your advice.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (13 February 2012):
 I would stay put of where you are and see how you can handle the whole long distance. You will be dealing with him being shipped out to sea for 6 months- 1 year at a time. Also depending upon what he's going to be doing in the Navy, he could be gone for more.
Yes, you have to let go eventually and move out on your own. But it's a whole different set of rules when you're dating a military man.
As I said you will essentially be living on your own. You two won't be playing house as much as you would think. There's also going to be deployments. It's also VERY, VERY hard to pick up and move to a different area of where you know no one. Been there, done that. I was extremely lonely, bored, and even depressed.
Think before you leap.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): Thank you all for your responses. It's great to see different perspectives. To answer some of your questions, I will be done with my bachelors degree in the summer and we have spoken numerous times about getting married and having a family ect. I guess it'll be better to wait until boot camp is completed and see where everything goes from there. I believe the issue i'm building up in my mind is the whole starting my own life thing, away from my city and my family and friends. Eventually we all have to let go and grown up, right?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (13 February 2012):
That's a big commitment to make.
Can you afford to move and be near him?
Are you finished with schooling? Out of state tuition fees are triple the regular amount for state residents. However, you could wait till you're an official resident and then go back to school.
Are you aware that if you move, he can't live with you? Essentially you will be living on your own because he will be confined to live on base.
If it's that serious of a relationship and after 5 years, then I wouldn't move unless you two got married. Reason being is then he can live with you in on base housing or off base but receive a housing allotment. You also receive great health benefits.
I have been in a similar situation of where I moved for a guy and it ended on a nasty note.
Don't ever move for a boyfriend. You need some assurance (ring) that this is going to be forever.
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (13 February 2012):
 He hasn't committed to marrying you, has he? You haven't mentioned that you are engaged or married. So why should you commit to moving? He's in the Navy, it's possible that he might be moving a lot. It's one thing to move for your husband, but it's another thing to move for your boyfriend. You should wait to make some sort of decision until he's finished boot camp and moves to the city he will be stationed at.
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