A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I know the answer to this so I think I am just writing it to get it out into the world. My boyfriend moved in with me about a year ago. Before he moved in we would sometimes verbally fight but I was always able to leave and go back to my own house. Now though being together the fighting when it happens has gotten worse he now hurts me. It started off with locking me outside, pushing, taking my keys, throwing things at me, pushing furniture into me but now it has got worse he throws me against walls, slaps me and latest strangles me. He hasn't punched me yet but goes to and I know it is the next thing.The thing is when he does this I don't run away, I stand up to him. Physically he overpowers me but I cannot let myself be ruined emotionally and psychologically. I am better than this and I deserve better. I have tried on numerous times to throw him out. I know I should call the police and report him but I feel sorry for him and he has nowhere else to go. And this might sound ridiculous and please don't judge me I am embarrassed. Embarrassed to tell my Mum and family. Embarrassed to tell my friends. He knows this and uses it against me. He taunts me by telling me to call everyone. He tries to make it out that he is the victim. I do get made at him I am not denying it. But I always react to him. He takes his day and problems with work and family out on me. If anything happens he tries to start a fight. His language and the things he says are so hurtful. He says horrible things about my appearance and I know he is just trying to make me feel bad but I can't help but to sometimes feel fat and ugly. How has this man made me into the person I am becomming.I'm not even sure what my question is. I just know that I want it to stop. I want to stop thinking about when the next bad time will be. We have good patches but there is always the cloud wondering when he will snap.He is living in my house but won't leave. Besides having his things moved out when he is at work what can I do? How do I make someone leave when the won't. I know everyone is thinking call the police but I know he will come back and he will be so angry I am not sure what he will do. If I called the police and he got a record which coud effect his job he wouldn't care about consequences. In a few months we are having an Engagment Party how do I end all this? I want it to be over.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 March 2011):
 Ok you just made quite a point there, you say you will not let yourself be ruined emotionally and psychologically, but sweetie its already beginning to happen, he has power over you and he knows what things to say to make you question yourself and also enable you to keep quiet and not tell anyone about your ordeal. Yes I could say to you go to the police and tell them how scared you are but I doubt you will do that, therefore you need to let your family and friends in. You should not be embarressed to tell them you have done nothing wrong here just remember that. He is the one in the wrong and something needs to be done, before someday he gets really angry and does more than hurt you. Its so easy done that if he holds on to your neck just a little bit to long he could kill you. Now is the time to get out and get help. So talk to your family and friends please. You shouldnt be embarressed in fact they will be shocked that you were able to hide this from them. Talk to them and get them to support you while you sort it out. Let them come with you if needs to be to your house and with them behind you you shall find the confidence to ask him to leave, he wont refuse while your family is there with you. Explain to him that if he comes near you again you will contact the police but tell him you wont this time as you dont want to see him in trouble and you are giving him a chance. But hunny if he comes near you after that then its his own fault as he will have been warned and you will need to go to the police. Goodluck and all the best I hope you have a happy future as you deserve it.
A
female
reader, yomama65  +, writes (5 March 2011):
 I would recommend that you end the relationship immediately. This guy is violent and dangerous and you are putting yourself at risk. Contact a women's shelter to find out how to file an order of protection. Contact the police if he threatens you. Change your locks once his stuff is out of your house. Do not engage in a conversation with him except to let him know its over. He is incapable of this. Don't believe him if he tells you he's sorry and will change. He won't. Get him out and don't look back.
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