A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So basically my bf and I have been dating for 5 months now and he's now voiced his concerns over the fact that im not confident enough and that he hates it. So my question is how can I be more confident? Thank you.=]. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): thanks you guys for you're answers. So i do think im confident, you know I think im a good person and personally adore the way i look but he belives that im not confident in myself for reasons i have yet to understand. I mean im not like really outgoing, im notloud about everything. I keep to myself and truly could care less what people think about me cause im personally perfect with myself. Again thank you.
=].
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): Confidence you build as you go through life accomplishing things that need to be resolved. At you age this means being diligent in your schoolwork, being responsible with your parents, teachers and friends and especially being true to yourself. Doing what you think is right and not doing what you think is wrong. Lastly, being confident is also about self-respect. If your boyfriend is being rude to you for criticising your lack of confidence you can be pretty sure your future, confident self would dump him.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (17 September 2009):
I agree, this comes from with in, and you may have to seek some outside help to identify why you're not as confident as most people. Odds are good that there's something from your past that you're bringing forward and using as an assumption. It's hard for me to avoid ding this, but after working on it with a theripist, I at least KNOW what I'm doing, and when. I'm working to NOT project my mother onto my wife... they never even got a chance to meet, but sometime I'm reacting to old senarios, when I get triggered from my wife.It's funny, when guys are in a relationship, and we love and have a great deal of respect and confidence in our significant other, it is a disapointment when they can't see in themselves what we see in them. GOod luck!
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A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (16 September 2009):
 Hello sweetheart!
Let me say first of all, confidence comes from the inside. It is not a shirt that you can just pull out & put on when you want to wear it & although I could feel where your boyfriend is coming from, he needs to understand that he can't make you confident nor can he put pressure on you to become confident.
The more important question is: do YOU feel that YOU are confident enough? In your post you haven't mentioned that you have any problems with the way that you are & it seems as if you're only concerned about making changes because of your boyfriend. Which in my opinion isn't a very healthy thing. You need to feel that you need confidence for yourself in order to really gain true confidence. If you like how you are: then so should your boyfriend, and if he doesn't, then it may hurt but you need to be with someone else who can & will accept you as you are, not try to change you to fit their needs.
Confidence comes from loving yourself first & everything about yourself. It comes from realizing that you are a special person with special qualities. Find all the good that you have in yourself and focus on that, look at yourself in the mirror and appreciate the fact that you are you & don't be swayed by what others may think of you. Walk with your head held high, be comfortable with yourself, not in arrogance or pride. But in humility and grace...that my dear is confidence.
And if you do make changes in your life. Just make sure that you are making them for you & only you.
Best wishes!
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