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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi all, I would really appreciate some advice. I feel trapped in the office and I have recently discovered that I most probably suffer from something called a « bore-out » and I don’t know how to deal with it.I don’t hate the work I do. I don’t love it either. But I’m good at it and I earn decent money which allows me to support my family. What bothers me is not that the work is not engaging but the lack of it, the pauses, for the lack of a better word, a time in between contacting clients. I am a very efficient worker and manage to get the paperwork done fast. I don’t drag my feet, but it sometimes leaves me with nothing to do and this is something that should not be talked about with bosses and/or colleagues, because of the unhealthy environment in the firm I work for. My managers should be the ones organizing the work, but for some reason they do not do it well which leaves us, the employees, with the “pauses” I mentioned when you have to PRETEND that you have something to do, because if you don’t people comment that you are lazy. The crazy thing is, they themselves KNOW that it is not true since they too experience exactly the same thing, but if they were to admit it they would risk being the ones labeled as “lazy” too, so it’s a vicious circle.I tried reorganizing the work on my level and proposing some changes when it was appropriate. Some of what I said was accepted, but, basically we are a very small firm in terms of products and have far too many people for the amount of the work we have. And NOBODY wants to admit that. The owner doesn’t care, he is extremely rich and the firm makes good money. Basically it is his toy and the only thing that makes him happy is to play the role of a big boss with lots of people under him. I have witnessed on two occasions his wife rolling his eyes when he started talking about how busy we all were and how he needed to find some more people. I’m an unofficially running a department that has two more assistants and there’s also my boss the official head of the department, who does nothing (I’m not exaggerating). So, 4 of us for a job that would require one person working fulltime (me) and an assistant working part-time. I feel tremendous pressure not only to find something to do for myself but to find work for two assistants as well. As I said my boss does nothing. And his bosses are even worse. Some of them make up excuses not to come to the office, business lunches and such. But for them it’s ok, since they have “the rank”.Bore-out is killing me. It has raised my levels of anxiety and depression. And as I said, the atmosphere in our firm is toxic, which is making everything worse. Social pressure is so strong. I firmly believe that many of the people that I don’t like, because they are judgmental and negative are like that because of this bad atmosphere. I’ve tried for years to be the change I want to see, to shine, be positive… and I am exhausted. I’ve been this way for a few years now. I get snappy at home. My libido is non-existent.I’ve seen a couple of therapists, but they just do not know what to tell me. They've put me on several therapies over the years and none of them could make me less anxious because of the boredom, guilt and shame. And changing my job is not an option. I have a “useless” degree (theatre history) and was lucky to find a job where I can earn sufficiently to cover our expenses. My wife works too, but we could not live on her salary while I find another job. And in case you are thinking that we should tighten the belt so that I can leave my job… it is tight as it is (we buy clothes in second-hand shops, drive used cars, have been using the same phones and computer for over 7 years , don’t go out, prepare all the meals…). I wouldn’t know where to begin. I tried meditation and it has helped, but it didn’t solve anything. I regularly exercise and eat healthy thanks to my wife, who has supported me through thick and thin. I tried negotiating to start working from home, because my job is basically calling the clients, entering the data in the DB, preparing presentations and participating in congresses a couple of times a year. It was refused every single time, since the big boss wants his offices full and not people working from home. The owner controls everything, from the way we dress to what we may or may not have on our desks in our offices. For instance, there is no official dressing code, but wearing jeans on a casual Friday is frowned upon by him, even though we never see clients in our office. We mustn’t have anything personal in the office like photos of a spouse and kids, coffee machines etc.He went nuts during the lockdown, when he was forced to let us work from home. And the moment the government loosened up the measures, he forced us to get back to the office even though the number of sick people is growing by the day here where we live.I realized during the lockdown how more productive and happier I was, because I didn’t have to pretend to do something when there was no work to be done. I didn’t feel guilty or ashamed. The only stress emanated from the anticipation of having to go back and work from the office.I’m sorry for the length of the post. I was venting for sure, but I also wanted to tell you what I have already tried.Thank you!!!
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libido, money, my boss, trapped Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2020): I'm the original poster. Thank you so much HoneyPie!
I've been an avid runner and swimmer since I was a kid and about ten years ago I've discovered woodworking. And if I could have anything I wanted in my professional life, I'd be a woodworker...
Funny thing is (I mean not "haha" funny), that I live in the country with the highest rate of work-related suicides. Thank good, I'm not at that dark place. I just wanted to illustrate that corporate climate here is really unhealthy and unless I change my line of work, I'll end up, sooner or later in the same place. But I will take your advice and have a look, on my own time and dime :)
I've been fearing the moment where sports and my hobby won't be able to help me deal with the stress. And my wife was right (not that I listened) when she had told me to use the good wave to prepare for this.
Anyway, thank you again. Venting does help!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (2 July 2020):
 OK if quitting is NOT an option, YOU need to find some kind of HEALTHY fulfillment OUTSIDE of work.
Be it volunteering, be it hobbies or sport. Maybe something to DO as a couple/family.
Secondly, take some time and think what COULD improve your staffs knowledge and overall improve their work environment. Maybe there are some courses or classes you can look into taking or arrange for the staff to get.
I can imagine going to work and KNOWING it will suck EVERY day is depressing. FIND the silver linings in your job and expand on them.
BE the positive "force" at work. Even if you don't feel it. Fake it until you can.
You say you can't get a job this well paid elsewhere, are you sure? Now that you HAVE the experience you do, maybe? (not that I would suggest you quit, but maybe look what else is out there, looking is ok, just don't do it on company time or company computers, OK?)
Lastly? GET some exercise when you are not at work. It will help your mind and your mood.
And FEEL free to vent on here. Any time.
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