A
female
age
41-50,
*ayLyn
writes:My boyfriend of 4 years just proposed but is acting strange. He says he doesn't want a lot of attention and although his family knows, he is keeping it on the down low. He hasn't told any friends and it seems like he is avoiding my family....and my family loves him. He says he's not overwhelmed yet....because we aren't planning it yet. He wants to enjoy being engaged 1st. Any thoughts?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): He may have just proposed in theory to keep you off his back, not to marry you. An engagment is not a private affair and it does involve a ring, an announcement, and a wedding date that everyone knows about. I think what he wants to enjoy is the convenience of your relationship longer and he found a way to buy himself some more time with no further commitment.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 June 2011):
 If he is keeping it sort of secret and you are not planning anything yet.... then you are not engaged.
An engament is about making public and known your intent to marry, and the intent needs to be backed up by actions, like i.e. choosing the date or at least the month of your wedding.
If there is nothing like this in sight, then it may be an informal agreement between you two, but I would not call it an engagement.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (21 June 2011):
 Have you told him what you imagined being engaged would be like? Find a balance.
An engagement IS the public announcement of your intent to marry.
What are his expecations of "a lot of attention"?
What does it mean to enjoy the engagement first?
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