A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a male friend I have known for 5 years now. in the last 6 months we were both single and started flirting loads, we met up a few times -he lives in another country. we had brilliant time, did and saw a lot of things, and we also got intimate. going with the flow, was scared to bring up the 'convo', we were in contact everyday ... felt almost like a relationship, but nothing had been said. so i bit the bullet. you know.. not wanting to waste my time.he first gave me a line that said i want my cake and eat it too. I decided to just leave it there. didnt talk. then he was constantly trying to contact me, and explained what he actually meant, and it was kinda like, we live in different countries, he had the best date/time/summer ever and was gutted everytime we had to depart. and thought maybe he should let me have more single time. he was willing to take the risk to not bring up the convo because we were having such a great time. and didnt want putting constraints on me to ruin it.ok i get the its an awkward situation thing and men steering away from complications. But he now wants to build bridges. and wants to become friends again. but he kept saying im his best friend ever. Its a little kind of strange. i think. overwhelming, he let me down and blew my trust. he knows that, how does he expect best friend status? hes 30 .. not a naive young lad .. is he too scared to open up for rejection? or is he trying to let me know him being in contact is not going to lead somewhere by telling me we are 'best buds' all the time. Since hes sent those he has gone quiet .. just dont get it. i hate it lingering on without knowing what on earth he wants us to be/do. best mates? really? he has flirted slightly.. best friends with a girl you find attractive?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 This friendship can't work. At least not while you both have active feelings and are single. If you want to be in a relationship, you should make that clear.
It sounds a little to me like he likes the intimacy, loves the friendship, but doesn't like being tied down. I think it's more like HE wants to have his cake and eat it too - have the friendship and the action without the commitment.
I think being best friends will only end in heartbreak for you. Good luck, sweetness!
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