A
male
age
51-59,
*ale260468
writes:How is it best to deal with grief? My girlfriend/partner has been diagnosed as seriously ill. She has roughly eighteen days left. She has no knowledge of her serious condition and must not know whatsoever. I would also like some advice on how to support my girlfriend's mother as I was very close to her. Helpful advice would be helpful. Thanks. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, male260468 +, writes (4 February 2008):
male260468 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for their condolenses on my situation. Sorry, but I want Esther not to hear her fate. I supposee the reason is so that she is worried. One of my friends and my mum agrees that she should not be told. I love her so much, that I just want her to pass away peacefully. It is unfair I know. Luckily, Im getting some support. The Samaritans have been a support, who I have rung once.
Ghana I suppose is a different culture to UK. Sge us cgeerful at the moment and am digging deep to cherish our love for each other. Anybody else in this situation, get support. Ring the Samaritans, book a GP and get referred to counselling. I pray that I will get over this soon.
A
female
reader, sunnygirl2  +, writes (3 February 2008):
I am so sorry to hear that you are dealing with this kind of pain. I dont know your reasons for not telling her about the fact that she has only weeks left to live. It just seems unfair to me. So many of us go through life without forgiving people or saying the things we should before we leave this earth and I know that it would be important to finalize things in my heart and leave this world less burdened. As far as her mom goes, just be there as a comfort and help in whatever way you can, but remember to take care of your own grieving heart as well. I will pray for you and your situation. Be strong. My heart goes out to you.
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A
male
reader, Jugurtha  +, writes (3 February 2008):
You have my sincere condolences.
As I'm sure you know, you will be in for some really tough days ahead, but it will get better for you eventually.
You will always have and know the great loss of your loved one, that deep knowledge never leaves. All I can suggest is that you try to concentrate on the positive memories you have of her, the love and special places and times, rather than dwell too long on the loss of her.
If you need to do something concrete, you could plant a tree, or put in place a memorial bench over her favourite view - something you can visit when you need to.
I have to question the decision not to let your partner know of her impending death. It seems unfair, and somehow disrespectful. I'm sure there are many things she would like to say and finalise.
Support your girlfriend's mum by staying a part of her life, and celebrating the memory of your girlfriend.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2008): Dear, I am so so sorry for your pain. Be strong for her. But when alone or with her family., all you can do is cry..don't hold it in. Don't bottle up your feelings...talk openly about it to everyone who is grieving with you. Support her Mother, listen to her Mother and cry with her. Your brain must be in a muddle., right now dealing with the shock of losing her..you will will be constantly drained and worn out. Pace yourself if you can by getting rest and eating properly even if you have no appetite. Try to keep up your physical strength. But it's critical that you and your gf's family, talk about her and cherish the little time left. If she is in the hospital or resting at home, you will be doing bedside vigils..try to savor every moment with your loved one that you can. Spend as much time as possible with her and her family. You will all draw strength and comfort from each other. That is all you can do. Again...my heart goes out to you. Be strong, be brave and hang in there.
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