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female
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*ara_isla
writes: I have been living with my boyfriend for three years and been with him for three and a half. Whilst he has never been very tactile or passionate, the respect and admiration I feel for him has always enabled me to appreciate him for other reasons. However, he got a new job in January which meant he had to move away and now only comes home at the weekends. I am doing well at home without him, so much so that when he comes home now he kinda gets in my space!! Anyway, we hardly kiss or cuddle or have sex, and it kinda feels like a mate has come round when he does come home. I still feel the same I always felt about him - I love and respect him. But there is another guy who I have met who constantly asks me out and looks at me in a way my boyfriend has ever really looked at me (in an intense, loving manner), and tells me I look attractive etc etc. Although I do not want to go out with this new guy, he seems to be providing me with things I want to hear from my own boyfriend and don't. Now I am thinking that I should move on from my current boyfriend and find someone who can make me feel more loved and cherished. On the other hand, he is a great guy who is intelligent, a provider, competent and a great friend. I have never met anyone like him. He would be perfect if only he appeared to fancy me more, if at all! I have discussed this with my boyfriend before and he always says he will try harder, or that his job (he is a big career guy) makes him so tired that he feels his libido is non existant because of stress.I would appreciate any advice that anyone can give on this matter!thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (27 August 2005):
I would say go with what you're feeling right now. You've been with your man for over three years, and he's a great guy. Those are both good reasons to keep your relationship. But they aren't enough for you, as you said. You deserve to be desired, and feel passion, and truly live life. Your boyfriend now has basically chosen his work life over you. He would rather work than be with you every night to sleep next to you, and he would rather spend his energy getting wealth and power than have enough strength to satisfy you. Find someone to feel alive with, and not just to be your friend and buy you things.
"All that you need is in your soul" Lynyrd Skynyrd
A
reader, pops +, writes (26 August 2005):
Whatever you had with the bf, is dead. Move on. He has a new life with his job elsewhere, and obviously has a place to live. Tell him its over, and not to come back to you. If you respect him, you will let him go. He obviously has no passion for you. It happens. There are reasons why, but I don't see any interest by either of you in either learning what went wrong, or fixing it. Stop this melodrama before we all turn the channel.
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