| A ,
*inesse150
writes: Hi, I'm 22 and in a long term relationship with a wonderful girl. We've been together for five years and have recently got engaged. Well, that's the good part. My problem is that I feel as though I have missed out on something. While others have experienced the 'dating scene' and not taken things too seriously, I know nothing of it - none of the excitement and variation. I didn't really have a girlfriend before her, and just became so involved that I never wanted to leave and I still don't. I'm about to graduate from University, where I spent much of the time away from my fiancee and it was very difficult. I've been so tempted to just have a fling to see what it's like, but I guess it's not in my nature. I feel as though it's actually harming my relationship since I often feel a little confined. Thanks for reading, hope you can offer some advice,From,Silly chap.
View related questions:
engaged, fiance, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (20 May 2005):
 This isn't uncommon with people who've been in couples for most (or, in your case, all) of their adult lives. You're wise to take note of it, because if you don't address the core of the problem - that you didn't get to experience the youthful wildness you think you should have - it doesn't ever really go away. It does go dormant, but it tends to pop up and manifest itself in the background of arguments, fuel resentments and so on.I don't think that having a fling is going to solve any problems, though, and it's likely to cause you a lot of grief. One way or another, it's probable that a rumour will get back to your girlfriend and your telling her "I just wanted a quick thrill to see what it was like!" isn't going to cut any ice. You'd risk your entire relationship for a superficial shag? It's not worth it.This is one of the first challenges for your upcoming marriage and you really should speak to your fiancee about it. Depending on her age and personality, there's a good chance that she feels similarly and may also regard it as an issue to be worked out.One way that you might approach it is for you two to have a long engagement and have some other kinds of excitement while you're both still young. After all, you're only 22 and you have years ahead of you to settle into home-buying and child-rearing together. Maybe you'll discuss it and decide that you'll take the "wilder" option for the next several years, as in holidaying in Borneo rather than LA, taking a few years away to work in Alaska rather than the suburbs. That sort of thing might soothe the savage beast that seems to want your attention without giving in to your baser instincts.Talk to your girlfriend about your feelings, though. That's the place to start.
|
