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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, do you think its possible for two middle-aged adults to live together without sex (been together two years)? I've tried (for 8 mths) loads of stuff to have a more active sex life but nothing works. He's got a very low sex drive. Now I've lost my sex drive as i don't enjoy sex when it does happen. I feel hes just going through the motions. We dont talk about it anymore as its all been said and i know its not going to change. He's a good man and i know sex isnt everything, though I'm not really bothered about having it now anyway, though im not sure if i want to go through the rest of my life without sex. So when he on a rare occasion gets the urge i just ignore it now (i used to be very accommodating). He tells me that he loves me occasionally, not as much as he used to but i cannot say the same back to him now. I've always found it difficult to tell a man that i love him as Ive never really felt strong feelings. Do you think that this relationship can work?????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2006): It is possible to live together without having sex if neither person wants to have sex. It isn't possible if one person wants to and the other doesn't as this often leads to that person having an affair in order to fulfil their sexual needs. If you don't really have any intimacy, don't say I love you, and don't have strong feelings for this person can I suggest you may be better off as friends? I do know how you feel because I was in a relationship with somebody with a low sex drive. In the end, we just took it that sex wasn't a part of our relationship but I became frustrated that I couldn't have any intimacy with him something that I think you need in a relationship. I left him because were effectivly nothing more than friends by the end.
A
female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (21 August 2006):
 Well on the one side it all sounds a bit staid. Even an old couple may need some fun to enjoy life together. You don't say how old you are but I am the wrong side of 50 and from my experience I regret being married to someone for over 26 years who I like, but cannot say 'I love you' to. Could you have a trail seperation to see if you miss each other, and even if the sex was there, would you be happy?
If you want to look into the sex then he needs to get a blood test at the doctors to see if there is a reason for his loss of sex drive. Also, IF his sex drive improved, would you want sex as you have said you ignore it now, so would you still ignore it?
The relationship sounds a bit built on sand so try to think of positive things that attracted you to him, and also think what matters to you for your future as the longer you leave it the more guilt you will feel and less time left to find someone you spark with.
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