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female
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anonymous
writes: i'm 32 and ive been through alot both in life and relationships.i have been physically and sexually abused in the past. For the past few years i have decided that it will be better to be alone, no heartaches or pain. I met someone who i think really loves me. I have been giving him a really hard time and he just keeps assuring me that his love is genuine. He proposed to me yesterday and wants us to get married in april. I think i love him because he has been the only one in any of my relationships who has tried to be understanding and kind to me.But somewhat i'm afraid. Fear is overcoming my joy. i feel robbed because i havent had joy for sometime now.what should i do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2006): I think you may benefit from seeking the help of a professional therapist if you have not done so already...As far as getting joy back in your life, don't drink alchohol for awhile, take long walks by yourself and think, and keep a journal, write down how you are feeling day to day, and don't forget to write down and list the things that you are grateful and why.
Basically, don't avoid your feelings, let them come up, even the sad ones, cry and grieve over the lost time you had when you were abused, be sorry for the child in you that was hurt see her as a real person and cry for her and you will feel better, and realize that you are no longer that person, but a strong and beautiful being who deserves her place on this planet. Be strong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2006): It is understandable how you feel. I have gone through something quite similar. I spent 5 years on my own with my youngest son. I felt scared. But be brave, take hold of life and enjoy it to the full. This man sounds ideal for you, so sit back, relax and enjoy all of the journey. Take everything that life throws at you. I feel confident that you will be ok in time. He sounds very understanding and loving. Let go of the past and don't let these things ruin the future. We can all wallow in it, i know from experience. Enjoy your future life with this caring man. Congratulation on your engagement and i hope you have a brilliant wedding and very happy future together. Go for it girl!!!
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2006): Hard times in the past are hard to keep in the psat and put behind us. Judging by all that you've gone through, all though the pain will ease, you won't forget it but you can put it behind you.
That's just what you need to do in this situation and remember that this guy loves you and just because other guys in your past have hurt you doesn't mean that this one will and if you have this chance to be happy with him now, you'll probably regret it later in life.
Because you've gone through a lot, it's obviously going to be hard to put faith in someone and have trust in them but this guy seems to me like he's had a lot of patience with you and because of your lack of trust you haven't been able to go for it.
I personally think you should stick with this man, he seems serious and perhaps he can help you overcome your fears and you can do it together, even though it's hard XxXxX
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