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Baby and baby daddy and sex blues!

Tagged as: Pregnancy, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 October 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 5 October 2010)
A female South Africa age 30-35, anonymous writes:

First question:

hey evryone.im going to be brief asking this.im caught between three guys.one is my babydaddy but im dumping him.im done with him hurtn me.he askd me not to give up on us but ive held on too long.this ex's just came back in my life but i swear i havent done anythn except talk.havent decided yet.please help me guys.i dnt know what to do.

Second question:

hey guys.my bby is 7 weeks nw.im sexualy frustrated and i also feel disgusted at the thot of having sex again.i dont want it until shes 12 months old.i dont think ill ever sleep wit my babydaddy anymore thou.my feeling towards him have changed due to him being a jerk.so guys help me out here.how do i control my feelings?what do i do?i havent masturbated and i can climax through sex and oral only

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanx guys.your advice is good.i dont want to rush.i want to take good care of my baby.im not going to have sex till next year and if i do il use a condom.i will not date either.i guess this is about my baby now not me.thank you again

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A female reader, Dorothy Dix Australia +, writes (4 October 2010):

Hi there. Don't be in any hurry to get into a relationship just yet. There's plenty of time really.

You will know when you feel like going back into circulation again. Your baby is only 7 weeks old, so you are probably still in the process of getting into a routine. That can take a while.

Regards sex. You are probably still bleeding a bit even now, and your hormones are all trying to return to normal again.

It's probably like when you are in the ovulation stage which makes you feel more like sex than any other time. As this is like a bit of stress, because you have this urge, it's really not a good idea to have sex now anyway (without protection), because it's likely that you could fall pregnant again - straight away. It can happen.

What I suggest instead, is for you to put on some comfortable clothes and good walking shoes or running shoes, and put your baby into the stroller and the two of you go for a nice long relaxing walk. It's a great way to relieve stress, and give you more energy as well. It will also help you to sleep well at the end of your day. Walking will help you to put everything into perspective and it's also very relaxing. You will feel fantastic.

I urge you to go walking rather than to think about sexual activities just yet. Try to take your mind off it for now.

Please try the walking. At the very least, you will have some very precious time to yourself and to be alone with your thoughts. A walk for just 30 minutes is about all you need, but the secret is to make it a habit - every day if you can, or 3 times a week. And of course, whenever you are feeling like it's all getting too much to bear.

The frustration you say you feel, is probably not just sexual but also combined with a feeling of being slightly trapped in the situation you are in and the restriction it places on your life generally.

When you think about it, there's a lot of things you can no longer do now. You can't just say - "I think I'll go out tonight with my friends". You have your baby to consider. Motherhood is a very big responsibility.

It's a matter now, of finding some time for yourself to do some of the things you find enjoyable, like hobbies and interests. Now more than ever, it's going to be a lot more challenging to find time for yourself. However, it is absolutely essential that you make the effort. You need to find balance again.

I sincerely hope that this is helpful to you. Take care and best wishes.

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A female reader, Moo's Mum New Zealand +, writes (4 October 2010):

Moo's Mum agony auntOk first question. Don't jump into another relationship give yourself time to figure out what you like and need.

Second question. Why do you feel disgusted about having sex again? If I were you I would buy a vibrator and have fun with yourself.

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