A
female
age
36-40,
*kibunny22
writes:Ok, so here goes. My boyfriend and I are coming up on 4 years together and it's kind of got me thinking "where is our relationship going?" He is 27 and I'm 26. We have lived together for a little over a year now. We have a dog together. I am really happy and love him very much but there's one little (or big maybe) thing; he pretty much shuts down whenever his future or our future together gets brought up. I'm not dumb, I know this is a red flag. He hates his job and wants to do something different but is kind of lost as far as that goes. He's extremely insecure about his career, or lack thereof. I know that plays a huge part in him not wanting to plan our future. We recently had a talk about what he is planning on doing about being unhappy at work. I was trying to light a fire under his butt and encourage him to maybe go back to school and he got so defensive about it and said I was preasuring him. I am stuck because while I do love him with all my heart I am afraid that he will never take a chance and take control of his life and therefore never want to plan our future because he's so confused about his own. If anyone has some insight on this I would really appreciate it!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): His career situation and feelings about it sound familiar. Kind of like almost every 20-something guy I know, motivated or not. What does "discuss the future" mean? Is that code for you nagging him about something that he feels very troubled about, powerless to fix, and scared he will eventually lose you over it? I can't help but suspect this. Maybe he also does not want to discuss the future of your relationship because he thinks that topic is really a lead-in for your complaints about his career. If he won't talk about it then write him a letter. Tell him in the letter that you are getting worried that he won't discuss the future of the relationship. Ask him if he is avoiding it because he does not want to talk about his career issues. That may help start the dialogue again. Once the dialogue about the relationship starts, realize that he still may not really want to talk about the career stuff. That is his choice. And you have the choice to leave him if or when his silence and lack of progress bothers you enough. But whatever you do, try to keep the communication open. It can be a fine line to walk between how much to keep quiet and how much to bring something up again.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 August 2012):
I would consider the job/career thing to be the smoke-screen that prevents you from addressing his REAL problem (relative to your's and his "relationship")..... i.e. HE has a G/F who panders to him - even to the extent of making his excuses for him (this submittal) - so he has NO MOTIVE to grow up....
Make your decision, now or in the near future, if you want to spend much/any more time with a guy who is stuck in the (his) "present" and refuses to look at the future.... (.. and that means BOTH his future - relative to his job/career - and YOUR'S and HIS romantic/relationship future....)
Good luck....
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