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Are we doing the wrong thing here?

Tagged as: Cheating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 September 2010) 6 Answers - (Newest, 14 September 2010)
A female Australia age , anonymous writes:

I have a married friend i have been seeing for 7yrs.i am not married myself or do i wish to be so i don't wish to marry this man or ask him to leave his wife either.or has he ever said a bad word about his wife.

We have an extreamly good relationship and yes sex is involved. also we met 30yrs ago and we had a relationship then as well,but i moved elsewhere and we conected up only about 9 yrs ago again,

I do have a lot more feelings for this man than he does for me but he doesn't want our relationship to end even though he doesn't feel as strong as i do. he tells me everything will be fine as long as neither of us say the love word to each other.

ahe and his wife are just not intimate and havn't been for probably the best part of their marriage and they do sleep in seperate rooms.

He is commited to his wife and would never leave her,and i wouldn't want him to, but he wants me as well. is he being selfish am i a fool and are we both doing the wrong thing here.

We have tried many times to end this but somehow we don't seem to be able to.

Sometimes i feel bad but really i don't think i could do without him after all this time,or he with me.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010):

He's not leaving his wife and you don't want him to leave his wife. You've both agreed to keep love out of this relationship and just enjoy the physical aspects of being together. If you're okay with everything, what's your questions?

I don't think you're being entirely truthful about your feelings. I think you DO want him to leave his wife and be with you. You DO want him to have deeper feelings for you. You're posting as though you're fine with things as they are, but more than likely you're playing by his rules because you'd rather have the crumbs he's offering you rather than nothing at all. So instead of going out and finding a love of your own, you've spent 7 years with a man who can't offer you a committed, respectable relationship.

You think he can't do without you? Let his wife find out about this affair and you'll find out how expendable you are.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (11 September 2010):

Anonymous 123 agony auntYou dont want to marry this man, you dont want him to leave his wife, you dont even want to involve the "love" word in your relationship...so basically you want the physical presence of this man and the sex.

How does that sound to you?Obviously its not right, because both of you want the best of everything and a "convenient" relationship. Have you ever thought about why he doesn't ever want to say that he "loves" you? Because deep down he knows that this is wrong, and he doesn't want to feel guilty about the fact that he's a married man who's in love with another woman.

You are not married, but this man is. Dont do this to his wife.You are the other woman here and thats never a good place to be in.Let him work at his broken marriage; saying that he is not intimate with his wife doesn't make things any better, nor is it a reason for either of you to have an affair. Get away from all this.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010):

I could give you the politically correct reaction, or I could tell you what reading your post really made me feel inside....

Politically correct: You're doing the wrong thing.

The truth: This is absolutely disgusting. Shame shame shame on both of you to have carried on like this for nine years. Horrible!

Any questions?

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A female reader, Hornyashell Guam +, writes (11 September 2010):

Yes you are doing the wrong thing! He needs to either be with his wife or leave.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010):

ok , theres many types of man arround , theres man who are not sure of what they want and theres man who know what they want , so ill say that this guy is not sure of what he wants , double relationship doesnt exist that cheating ! , doing so is really bad i suggest you leave him even if he doesnt want to but one of you guys need to make the right move or else later on theres gonna be some real damage to both of your Friendship , relationship , and his marriage .

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A female reader, LLindy87 United States +, writes (11 September 2010):

LLindy87 agony auntcheating is never the right thing to do. period. so ya, you're doing the wrong thing here.

Side question, if you don't want a serious future with this man then why are you sleeping with him? he's married...let him fix his broken marriage and step away. Don't be the other woman, its never a good role to play.

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