A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello to all who take the chance to read this. I met a man through a dating website about a week and a half ago. I had a good time,and he seemed to as well. There was a lot of atraction,and he was a very sweet guy. I got a little concerned when he hadn't contacted me for a few days after our date,but then he e-mailed me saying that he wanted to hang out again soon. So I just kept it short and sweet so as not to sound overly excited,and said "sure thing,just let me know when you're free". So the rest of the week passes,and then the weekend,and no word from him. Now a few days ago,he texted and said he's sorry he lives so far (about an hour). I'm not sure where that came from or why he said it,because I never said it was an issue. His car isn't running so great right now so I would be the one driving there right now,but it doesn't bother me at all. And later that night he texted again asking when I'm coming down again. But he hasn't let me know when I CAN come down. He works overnight and sleeps during the day,but he gets days off....so I don't understand. On one hand I feel like he does want to see me again,but on the other I feel like he's just beating around the bush. Should I just forget about it? I don't want to waste my time,and I could be making plans with other potential dates insead of trying to keep myself open for when he is finally free. The first time we went out he asked me the day of the date,so I wouldn't be surprised if he did it again. Is this all normal dating games or do you think he's unsure?
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (22 September 2011):
 My first impression is that this guy may not be a good match for you because your lifestyles are already showing some clashing.
You only went out on one date. There may not have been chemistry for him, otherwise he would be seeking you out to see when you are available and telling you he wants to see you again, calling to talk to you (NOT TEXTING-which is Lazy!) and trying to keep the energy charged for the next date.
He may be seeing others as well, and you should too. Appreciate the nice date you had and move on.
Listen to your instincts and do not waste any more time. You are an available woman! Do not make someone a priority when you are only an option.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 September 2011):
 I suggest that you don't make yourself too available to this guy... OR, put in effort 'way out of proportion to the effort that HE is making. THAT "looks like" panic and chasing.... and, if you do that, he gets to take advantage of you without even working up a sweat...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (22 September 2011):
Hi there. He's a night shift worker, so nights of going out are right out of the question.
I'm also guessing that being a night shift worker, he is often rather tired throughout the days. It's also fairly difficult to sleep during the day, so that doesn't help his energy levels either, most likely.
One hour is really not very far at all to drive. If it was 4 or more hours, yes that would be a whole different ball game. One hour, no.
However, because of his work type (night shift), he probably just doesn't feel like driving for an hour when he's often so tired. That's understandable. It might have been better though, for him to come right out and say that and be totally honest with you, instead of making excuses about his car not running very well. It's not quite lying, very close though. Making excuses, nevertheless. So in a way yes, slightly dishonest.
If you have to be the one who is always going out of your way to be with him, well then he's not putting much of an effort in, is he? And we are talking about this being the case, and it's only been 1 and a half weeks! A brand new relationship.
This is a clear indication of how it's likely to be - however long you decide to be with him. In other words, you doing everything, and him doing nothing at all to make an effort. And expecting you do to it all.
That isn't really the way a good relationship should be. If you did decide to stay with him for a while, you would soon start to feel this way yourself. You would feel that you were doing all the giving and he was doing all the taking. A gross imbalance. You would soon feel resentment towards him - big time. And more and more as time went by. And it wouldn't take very long for you to feel that way.
Then one day if things didn't change, you would just explode at him in anger, over something very small. Then a great big argument, and it would all be over.
Some food for thought, for you.
The bottom line is, you are giving more to the relationship and he is doing nothing at all. You give - he takes.
Think about it very carefully. Best wishes and take care.
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