A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I do not have a specific question, but I want to know if there are other women who share my thoughts and feelings and whether I am normal.I have only become sexually active for about a year, and have not once been able to have an orgasm. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother having sex when I can achieve very intense orgasms through a vibrator and some porn. I feel that sex for me has become a dreadful chore to please the man; that sex is a one-sided game with me being only a spectator rather than a participant. I start to develop an envy or a resentment almost to a man's penis, an organ designed entirely for pleasure, whereas the equivalent of it in women is only a tiny insignificant clitoris. Since I have become sexually active, a lot of the times when I masturbate I would fantasize myself being the man making love to another woman that I find attractive. I have always since I was very young been turned on by naked women or porns with themes that degrade women. I have read that many women would masturbate to naked men with huge penises, but I really find no attraction in a man's body at all. Now I have never been with a woman, or even liked another female romantically. But from what I have described, would anyone think that perhaps it is time for me to explore that other side? Or is it normal for a straightly heterosexual woman to have these thoughts?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): Whoa, you got ISSUES!
First off, I think you need to do some basic sex-ed. The penis just for pleasure? Not really, it is the instrument to allow the semen to be injected into the female a rather essential part of mammalian reproduction. That is why it is the size and shape it is. If it was purely for pleasure it could be as small as the female clit. The CLIT is the body part SOLELY intended for pleasure and it don't need to be big, it needs to be sensitive, which it is.
Also check up on the bits of a female involved during sex. The erection is nothing to what goes on inside your body when you are excited.
WHY are you having sex? I don't exactly get the feeling you are doing it with your dream partner or even a steady one. The word LOVE doesn't even once cross your lips totally different from every other young person asking here for advice.
Time to set my male ego aside for a moment: It is next to impossible for any but the most experienced lovers to have movie sex the first time. The idea that you as a female will have an orgasm the first time you are with a guy (not talking about virginity here, just a new partner) are low, especially if the guy is new to it all. Unless he knows how to do foreplay and with that I mean, go down on you until you come, it just most likely won't happen. Pure intercourse just often ain't enough. Since you know your own needs from masturbation, try to work that into sex. But that probably needs a different partner then a drunken one night stand.
Then there is your porn. You as a female are turned on by watching other women, think of fucking them (male style) AND enjoy it if they are degraded? Well the first part is easy, you are a lesbian. The last two suggest you got issues with your own sex. You do not fantasize about a woman fucking or giving oral to YOU?
Do you think being fucked is degrading?
No, you are not a "normal" hetero woman, but mostly what I read in your story is a person who is trying to force herself to have sex without love. Love isn't needed offcourse, but if you ain't enjoying it, then what the fuck is the point?
Are you just doing it because a female of your age should? Well stop it. Sit back and ask yourselve why you think of yourselve as a straight woman. Sorry, but even bi-sexual women are turned on by males.
I think you are having sex for the wrong reasons and with people who aren't intrested in anyone but themselves. Stop doing it, concentrate on becoming happy on your own and maybe you find a nice person in time to be with. Then together you can explore your sexuality. You are not frigid or anything but if a partner is unwilling to take his time with you, then you won't receive any pleasure. Sorry, but women being unable to get an orgasm is all to familiar a tale. They really should include basic oral skills as part of sex-ed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): I think that your thoughts are normal. The female body has more to offer than the male's body. (Or at least it seems that way to me.) She has boobs, a butt, and a vagina. He has a chest, a butt, and a penis, but for some reason to me it just seems like she has more to offer. And I am heterosexual. After I have came, I don't want to keep doing something like dry humping, otherwise I feel like I am being used. I think that your thoughts are VERY normal.
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A
female
reader, shandygirl  +, writes (15 March 2008):
 When I was your age, I felt the same way about sex. And, I didn't really like sex until I hit 50. Pathetic isn't it? ha ha.
In your age group, young men don't know a thing about pleasing a woman, and probrably don't even care. All I think that they DO care about is self gradification. It sounds to me as though those are the type of guys that you have been with.
It seems as though right now, the only one who cares about pleasing you, is you. So, therefore, you find ways of doing it. Nothing wrong with that. And there is nothing wrong with fantasies. You need to find a "kinky" open minded guy who likes to "play." They are out there, but hard to find. Good luck and take care. oxoxo
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