A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I was going out with a guy, he was really sweet but suddenly things turned sour. He told me he loved me very much, wanted to spend the rest of his life with me but he was really hurt when I told him we were going to fast, because, as he already knew, I just got out of a 5-year relationship, so I needed some time. Nevertheless I told him he made me happy, and I'd really wanted us to continue to get to know each other better. Suddenly, his attitude changed. Many times he called to say how much he missed me, and wanted to hug and kiss me and asked me out, along with a group of friends. But he stood me up. I called and he said he was 5 minutes away in a bar with other friends but he'd come soon. Still didn't show up. Later I sent a message saying at what time I was leaving and asking if he'd still come. He said yes, but only showed up 1 and a half hours later, after I was gone. That's when he called to ask where I was, and I told him I was gone. I called when I got home to tell him I felt hurt for that, didn't expect him to do something like this, and wanted to understand why he stood me up. In response, instead of admitting he was wrong, he just said I'm colder than usual, and also that he was upset that I left without saying goodbye (AFTER he ditched me), and saying that I'm being mean to him because I'm trying to make him feel bad for what he did.This led to an exchange of horrible emails, where he kept accusing me of being cold and bad to him, and me just trying to defend myself, asking why is he bringing more wood into the fire, why didn't he talk about what had been bothering him before, and why did he ditch me, because I didn't expect him to do something like this out of childish revenge.Today, on a chat, he told me he screwed up, and he didn't mean to hurt me. I said it was fine, all this time all I needed was to understand why he did it, and why couldn't he just tell me what was wrong.Good vibes, and will to understand each other were back. We exchanged some nice thoughts about the good things we did together, he said we had to stop because he was about to cry, so I stopped. Then he suggested we meet tomorrow to clear all this for us to be in peace. Immediately after I agree about meeting him, he writes "you won, I give up". And continues by saying I'm stronger and more powerful than him, and doesn't want to meet me anymore. He says he screws up too much, and doesn't know how not too screw things up, whereas I, without effort, don't make as many mistakes. And that I have a big effect on him, he's afraid to see me. And I'm too powerful for him, smarter than him, and stronger than him.I went nuts, and asked if he's playing with me, and what kind of sick game was this, because we were finally in a good place, willing to meet and be fine, and now he does this. His answer is that he got grumpy.But that despite being grumpy he wants to meet me after all. I agreed with the condition that if his grumpy again tomorrow, to let me know and we'll cancel.Ok, I want to meet him, and I want things to at least end on good terms. But if this conversation about "You win" comes again, I will be really angry, and I don't want to end in anger. Any advice on how to keep things cool? Ideally, I'd still want to give it a chance and get to know him better, but apparently he's (his words) "too afraid of me" for that. So suggestions of what I can say to keep things in a positive place. And what can I do, if he suddenly get "grumpy" and says something to ruin it all? Please? I don't want to hurt him, and I don't want to get hurt.Thanks
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female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 This guy is a MAJOR head game player and he's using these manipulative tactics to MANIPULATE you into the terms he wants and if you fall for it. This guy is truly not worth this much drama. The head games will be endless and he will manipulate your emotions (he already is) with this constant back and forth bullsh**t. Stop contacting him and find other people to hang out with. If he wants to know what's going on, tell him you just want to remain friends and then keep your distance. You don't want to get sucked back into his weirdness. Be strong!!
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