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Am pregnant again after having an abortion not long ago... I feel so alone... please help

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Question - (10 July 2006) 31 Answers - (Newest, 26 March 2011)
A female , *arah_06 writes:

Hi I need help. I have fallen pregnant again after I have just had an abortion not long ago. I dont want to get an abortion but my boyfriend does and i have no one to talk to. I feel so alone. I have tried to convince him that everything will be ok but he is having none of it.

I am too young because I am 16 but my mother had my sister when she was 16. I dont want to get rid of my baby again. I dont think i would be able to handle it. Please will someone talk to me and help me. I am afraid of what i might do to myself.

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A female reader, srh2011 United States +, writes (26 March 2011):

Hi i'm in the same boat ur in i jus got an abortion in november n after that month i didnt c my period the 1st time my boyfriend n i decided we werent ready n i've been with him since i've been n middle skool i'm 19 now n he's 22 but im pregnant again and i dont wna get rid of my baby becuz i'll feel like i'm doin it 4 him,... he claim he's not ready but i honestly feel that my schoolig cums 1st n my work...i got plenty time but he dont undastand how it hurts 2 get rid of a baby that's innoncent..i graduated and i'm n college and i work,, i know it'll hold me back but im gettin my education 4 me n my child...sooo just go wid ur heart...sumtimes it just aint the rite time...

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A female reader, Sammyjimenezox  United Kingdom +, writes (26 August 2010):

I think if you have kept it then your going to b a good mum, I hope your boyfriend and you are still ok and he's there for the pair of you... If you didn't keep it then b strongbremember everything happens for a reason I was 15 and had an abortion I didn't want to get rid of it but I knew if I kept it I would of let people down... My boyfriend was there for me, he was one of the ones who didn't want me to keep it I feel like I have made a mistake I would not of liked it if my mum && dad made that decision because I would not b here I feel like I made the right decision thoughh because I got my whole life ahead of me...

Just because your mum did it, it don't mean you can do it.. To me if you got pregneatt before and got rid of it think what made you make that deccion how could you b so stupid and b in the same situation again

If you can get pregneatt again then your most deffinately not ready to have a kid... Be careful && make the right choice xxx

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A female reader, a.danica United Kingdom +, writes (19 February 2009):

Hi there darling, well i know how u feel. i honestly think that you should keep it. Your boyfriend got you pregnant so he should face up to responsibility's. Well i have just read the date of this problem and noticed it was 2006, but i just signed up now as soon as i sin your problem,hopefully you can help me.

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A female reader, AngieBonita  Canada +, writes (20 June 2008):

Please listen to your heart.Cause when you do you will chose life.

Feel free to contact me at anytime. I have beeen where you r right now. I regret my decisions everyday.

I will pray that you are strong to carry your pregnancy. They say its your choice. That it's safe but They NEVER acknowledge the pain,depression and all around psychological trauma it brings to a woman,the price of abortion is bigger than actually loving and raising your child. BE STRONG. TRUST IN GOD. Its s blessing.

paz

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008):

wow this looks like a difficult decision. i know that things happen for a reason. but think about it he may want to keep it but do u really want to? are u ready for this?think about your studies in school this would affect u greatly. you will have big responsibilities to take care of. it wouldn't be about you anymore only the sake of your baby. i know abortion is very painful i just got one in february i can't get over it but i felt like i've made the right choice. it's hard to protect yourself when your not doing that but be strong and hang in there

i hope u make the right choice .

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008):

well, try talking to your mother. she'll proably help. If not just try and talk to people on this chat. Im sure everything will be okay

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008):

hi, i understand the confusion u must be feelin as i have had an abortion 7 months ago and yes it was the hardest thing i have ever done. I thought it was the right thing to do at the time and boy was i wrong i regret and will fro the rest of my life now. i think the fact that your bf is refusing to stand by you is evenharder for you, it was hard for myself and my partner but it has made us stronger i see that a good outcome, and im now 18 and tring for another baby and to be in your situation i would grab it with two hands dont let something so wonderful slip away again. You should tlk to your mum she will understand you shes felt how you are feeling and she will never judge you, and as for your bf hes stupid to not want to be a part of something thats so precious and wonderful. follow your heart and please talk to your mum. im here if you want to chat and take care.

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A female reader, Lilbluegurl1991 United States +, writes (25 April 2008):

Lilbluegurl1991 agony auntI had a abortion the 5th of this month.

and im pregnant again. one week after it i started having sex again.

whats bad is im 16 and my fiance is 20. hes looking at jail time.

cuz my mom is mean but he will support the child.

but i turn 17 in july. i plan on keeping it..cuz my abortion for the first time was terrible.

i still feel bad.

and i was 5 weeks.

so yea..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008):

im kind of in the same situation i had and abortion about a month ago den had sex 2 weeks after im having the same symptoms of my last pregnancy...i think im going 2 have my second abortion...dont worry ur not the only one...im 15

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008):

to be honest darlin i think you should do what you want to do what you feel is right. I had a miscarriage 2nd june 2005 september 3rd i then again fell pregnant my boyfriend was different he wanted me to keep it so did i i was only 15 at the time so i was scared and upset just like you. now im 17 have a beautiful baby girl. its difficult yes but i did it without a boyfriend and on my own as he left me when i was 6 months pregnant and i havent seen him since. if he loves you that much he should respect your decision and help you through this.but its your choice follow your instinct talk to your family and then decide xx dont do anything you dont want to do xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008):

Keep your head up. I have been through this situation just recently and I am a 29 year old mother of two.Abortion is heartbreaking and undesirable for all who go through it. You are not alone.As for the boyfriend. He should be out of your life. I am heartbroken right now as I got rid of my ex who practically forced me into an abortion that I didn't want either. Things will work out. The pain you felt with the last abortion just think if you are able to deal with that again. And after your decision for sure get on birth control you will feel better.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008):

Do the right thing,its your body,he will change his mind once he sees the precious baby,,it happen to my sister 19 years ago and now her son is 19 yrs old beautiful and now she is always thinmking what she was going to do to him...please do the right thing...everybody desserve a chance to live..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007):

i think if you have it in your heart you will do what you want to do. If your boyfriend is pressuring you to get rid of it and you dont want to, then dont do it!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007):

Hi, i know how you feel. I fell pregnant when i was 16 and was forced into an abotion by my boyfriend and his parents. I have found out i am pregnant again. But this time it is only going to be about me and my baby. Tell your boyfriend what you want to do and if doesn't agree then he is the one who is losing out. Good luck to you and your baby.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007):

You're on your second unplanned pregnancy at 16?

I think you want to get pregnant. It's time to admit it. Maybe you're not TRYING to get pregnant per se, but if you repeatedly have unprotected sex then you are basically doing the same thing. When you keep setting yourself up to have an "accident," then it's not really any accident, is it?

It's not that difficult and it's not that expensive to avoid pregnancies. There are multiple methods of birth control out there and there are "morning after pills" that work even for several days afterward.

If you've gone unprotected because you "can't talk about this stuff" with your mother or boyfriend or something, then you're not in a good position to be having sex yet at all, let alone raising a child.

Just because others raise babies at 16 that doesn't make it easy or a good idea. You'll be overage in only a couple of years. PLEASE wait a little longer. There are tons and tons of people who have raised babies in their teens and think it was the worst mistake of their lives (even though they still love their children).

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007):

hi sarah_06 you have to do whats right for you. i had an abortion when i was 15 im now 20 but when i had it i wasn't 100% sure that i wanted to and now its the one thing that i regret and think about everyday. So think very hard before you do anything, if u decide to keep the child it wll be hard but you need to do what you think is best for you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007):

I haven't a clue what to say but have you tried talking to your partner?? I don't think men realise half the time that it effects you mentally the whole change cause they don't have to go through it... some people go into overload and get so depressed...

I've not had a baby yet.. but just found out I am too pregnant the other day and I am so confused on what to do myself... I am a very emotional person and my only worry is if I abort my baby I will be in so much of a mess and may regret it alot later so I sort of have an understanding on your part of the mental side.

I think you should just try talking to your other half or even a doctor cause there are people out there who could help advise you and listen??

Hope this helps??

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007):

I am 18 years old now. I was 16 when I got pregnant & 17 when I had her. Being a mother is one of the hardest , but wonderful things in life. Being so young however does not come easy with having a child. You have to give up so much of your life to support you child. Going out with friends having fun does come hard.

I may now be pregnant again. I would have thought that having one so young would teach me a lesson. I do not believe in abortion at all. Although it has came to my thought . I honestly cannot see myself going through that, and for those who have I'd say they are very strong. I guess with having a daughter I know in my heart what I will not get to see her do. The littlest things & the biggest things also. You need a support system. Try talking to your mom about it an see where that goes.

Adoption is another option. Why take a innocent babys life when he/she can have a nice stable home through adoption. It would be hard for me to give a baby up, I will admit , but knowing in my heart I had her and I made her life instead of ending it would make the process a little easier. No young girl is ready to be a mom. I wasn't ready & I'm still not ready to this day. I make it though. I make sure she has everything she needs.

Seeing my daughter smile & crawl now is one of the best things ever. Yes, I did have to give up alot , but I gained alot also by growen with her an mending her future.

You need time to think this out. In the end you need to remember that this is your decision not anyone elses. Can you see yourself having a baby this young? Raising he/she? For the rest of your life ? I know it may be a VERY hard decision. Remember I had to do it when I was 16. Finding out I was pregnant so young I thought it was going to ruin my life , but in all honesty it has made it soo much better. The bond a mother and her child have is amazing.

Think it out. Make sure its your decision not what everyone else wants. Goodluck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2007):

am 19 i had a termination last year in march just because my boyfriend didnt want it then in july i got pregnant dis time my boyfriend said he wanted me to take it out. but i ended up going through with the pregnancy because i had to do what was best for me.then in april 2007 i gave birth to a baby boy.who now is only 6 months.not long ago i just found out i was pregnant while on the pill.my boyfriend told me to take it out coz am oly 7 weeks. but am still thinking if i want to continue with the pregnancy or not.all i can say to you is follow your heart.men come and go.there ar some men in this wrld who have no heart they think abortion is something simple. now that am pregnant again i no raising 2 kids aint eazy. coz raising 1 is even had.think about wen u had u first termination how u felt. was he there to support u wen u was going throgh emotional feelings. and is he serious with u. because u want to b with a guy dat wen u get pregnant he tells u 2 take it out. those kind of men only think about themselves and if he loved u he will tell u 2 keep this pregnancy. i came to realise that my man dnt love me because u dnt do that to the person u love. u cant create life and take away life.no child asked to brought into this world but mistake happens so if i were u i wuld follow ur heart.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007):

im 17 and pregnant and is 17 weeks now..i kno how u feel but im keeping my child..and i think u should do the same thing..i feel that ur 2 young be done had 2 abortions already at such a young age..and i feel if your mother had a baby at 16 then she would want you 2 keep yours at 16 too...and wit your boyfriend hes an ass right now but once the baby is born trust me he wll be there 4 him/her..and u can jus email me @ [email removed] if u need someone 2 talk 2..ok and pleez dont do anything 2 yourself..

~~Keosha~~

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2007):

Hi, I feel so alone, My name is Marie I am 33 years old. even at my age I stugged with whether or not to have an abortion. I had one 5 months ago. I regret it everyday. and you had one already, and are pregent again. Please talk to your mother and make sure and tell her how you are feeling, don't leave anything out. Tell her you want to keep it, I don't know where you live, I am in orange county ca, I go to saddleback church. Please call your local church they have places you can go for free help and there also might be other girls there your age going though the same thing. The women that tell you to have an abortion have uselly never had one so they don't know how it feels to have one. Just think of how beautiful that baby will be and you can hold her or him, you can still have a healthy beautiful baby. you don't want to have to many abortion you can get whats called incompetent Cervix. I sit across women who cry after 22 years after their abortion because they can't have anyone kids and the thoughts of their abortions still affects them so much.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2007):

Hi, I feel so alone, My name is Marie I am 33 years old. even at my age I stugged with whether or not to have an abortion. I had one 5 months ago. I regret it everyday. and you had one already, and are pregent again. Please talk to your mother and make sure and tell her how you are feeling, don't leave anything out. Tell her you want to keep it, I don't know where you live, I am in orange county ca, I go to saddleback church. Please call your local church they have places you can go for free help and there also might be other girls there your age going though the same thing. The women that tell you to have an abortion have uselly never had one so they don't know how it feels to have one. Just think of how beautiful that baby will be and you can hold her or him, you can still have a healthy beautiful baby. you don't want to have to many abortion you can get whats called incompetent Cervix. I sit across women who cry after 22 years after their abortion because they can't have anyone kids and the thoughts of their abortions still affects them so much.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007):

you poor poor girl, i was just 17 when i gave birth to my first son, i was completly alone my boyfreind did not want to know and tried to force me into abortion, i summoned up every once of courage and went ahead with the pregnancy alone, it was the best thing i ever did, my son is now 11 years old and i would not swap him for the world,please try to gain some inner strength, if a baby is meant to be then so be it, i am not against abortion as i had one 2 months ago and am now pregnent again, nothing in the world would make me terminate thi time, i am still alone but i know i can cope..... please remember that you are not alone in this and there is support out there for you no matter what you decide to do. good luck x x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006):

hi,

i just had an abortion 3weeks ago and i am pregnant again and i will not get rid of it. i know your scared and feel alone, you need to tell your boyfriend that having that abortion was the hardest thing you went through because it was..... everything will be ok and if you cant help him understand, then hunny theres nothing else you can do but do this for yourself... tell him that having another abortion will emotionly reck you completly and it can also lead to other things, and if he still doesnt understand then dont stand around and let this stress you out, i just hope you have somebody else there to stand by your side.....good luck hunny xoxoxo

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2006):

I can't really give you advice on my personal experience but I have friends that have regretted it. I feel that you should talk to your mother, I know its a scary idea but you never know what your mother can say, do you think she will abandon you? And if your boyfriend really loves you he wont ask you to commit this, again. Think of your own health of your unborn child.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2006):

im 16 and not that long ago had an abortion, if you feel you want this baby then go with what your telling yourself an abortion is not a very nice experience and you shouldnt be made to go through it again if you dont want to.best wishes

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2006):

you should do what you want. if he can't see this is really what you want then he doesn't seem the best man to be with. i am not sure if your mum will be a support but tell her and i am sure you will be able to get support from else where. godd luck. oh by the way i am happily married now with 3 children from the same dad and had my first at 17 years old. they are wicked. you grow up with hem and learn alot along the way.

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A female reader, uonlyliveonce United Kingdom +, writes (23 July 2006):

uonlyliveonce agony aunti got pregnant when i was 16 and my boyfriend pushed me into having an abortion then he left me alone and i was heartbroke i never really got over that abortion and when i got back with the same lad a few months later i did it again intentionally i had my baby at 17 everyone telled me having a baby would ruin my life truth is i that 1st abortion ruined my life ive never been so unhappy all i wanted was my baby. he didnt deserve what i did to him but i didnt deserve to be left dealing with an abortion alone the first time.

i was lucky my familys always been quite well off and ive always had more money than i knew what to do with at the same time i was a wild child and having my baby probably saved my life id probably be drugged up in a gutter by now if it wasnt for having my little girl.

i was lucky coz i could support my baby and id not missed out on nights clubbin/bein with mates/holidays and i still dont now this is all stuff you have to come and having a baby isnt easy specially if your on your own.

if you keep your baby make sure you get child support i never did coz i felt bad for getting pregnant on purpose lol

talk to your mum shes been through it all so she cant judge you she can only help. having a baby was best thing that ever happened to me but for some1 else it could e there worst nightmare, its not easy think about rest of life. good luck and do what you want to do not your boyfriend or anyone else its your life and your choice. x x x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006):

You need not be alone. You have already made up your mind as to what you want to do. Your boyfriend doesn't want you to carry full term; so he had his say. In the end it really is up to you.

It is unfortunate that you are pregnant at such a young age. Turning to your mother for insight may help. There are also programs out there for you.

Do you have a good support system? Is your Mother willing to help out?

In the end, with working with your decision already, you will carry full term and deliver a baby. Once the baby is born, are you prepared to do what it takes to ensure that your baby has everything it needs for success and happiness in this life?

Being a single teen mom is hard but no one ever said life was meant to be easy; just worth it.

Adoption is an option, and you can have it so you have a say in deciding who will raise your baby. You can pick a good home with loving parents who are able to provide for the baby's needs.

I know what you are thinking. I am insensitive for suggesting such a thing. It is all overwhelming. Being a parent means to sacrifice for the sake of your child(ren).

I myself was raised in foster homes and bounced back between my natural mother and foster homes. When I was 16 I remember thinking of when my mother admitted she was incapable for providing for my brother and I and signed us over to be wards of the government. I remember feeling angry and unloved. Then I recalled all the abuse and neglect and the dangers I was exposed to and then I thought, it would have been hard for her and she must have hurt over the decision; but she did the right thing. I was no longer exposed to that sort of environment and now being a mother of four, I am grateful to her for making that very hard choice. I was able to have the oppurtunity to be influenced by good parents in a loving home. This experience has impacted my life and I know that I would not be who I am and where I am if not for the loving sacrifice of my mother.

I still visit my mother and I still love her.

I want you to do what will make you happy and bring you peace. I also want you to stop and consider the future of your child. Both of your futures are still full of promise.

*hugs*

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A female reader, TwistedIllusions +, writes (11 July 2006):

TwistedIllusions agony aunti think that you were ment to have a baby at this time its going to be really hard.. really hard!! but talk to your mum and see what happens from there im pregnant also but im 18 and my mother passed away when i was 13 but you are lucky enough to have a mother to turn to in these hard times. everything will be fine just tell her where you stand with finishing school and taking care of the baby and getting a job and see where your boyfriend stands on it too. (how old is he?) does your mother know that you have had an abortion not long ago? well im here if you need to talk just message me :) hth

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A female reader, hannieseds New Zealand +, writes (11 July 2006):

hannieseds agony auntHey there petal,

How close are you to your mother? Since she has gone through the same experience when she was your age, then she is the perfect person to talk to and to support you through whatever decision you make. I know how hard it can be to talk to you mum, but once you open up to her, I think you'll find that she will help you beyond anything you thought possible and it will bring you closer together.

You are not alone! There are actually people out there who do really care (like me and most people on this site!) so you ALWAYS have someone to talk to okay!?

Life is all about choices. Dont' do anything you don't want to do. Abortion must be a horrific experience to go through once, let alone a second time, so it's completely understandable that you are apprenhensive about it. But, are you truely ready for a baby? Can you support it? You have to think long term here too honey.

Definitely talk to your mum. Most mothers would put their own lives before their childrens and hate to see their children in emotional and physical pain, so please talk to her as I really think she will be your saviour in this situation. xxx

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