A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:this isnt really a relationship problem, more a life problem but here goes....every time I go out I am either very quite and shy, so noone likes me, or i have a drink and am embarressingly loud and people think (and i quote) "that girl is mad", "barmy", "wierd" i don't know what to do as i feel i am such a boring person that no guy will ever like as a friend or for a relationship. i have barely any boys who are mates because i am so dull/ mad. what shall i do?
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male
reader, WastedLife  +, writes (10 May 2008):
Just one drink gets you loud? Wow - maybe sip a beer and leave it. Don't try hard for the boyfriend - he'll come to you. A little flirtiness is OK, but less is more here.
Write a list of things that excite you and you would do if you had a boyfriend. Cross of the ones that need to be done together such as making love. Then start DOING the rest of them and you will be exciting! You will be excited and others tend to feel it. Make sure you look good without looking "made up" and look in the mirror until you like the girl that's there. Then hang out wherever and know you're cool, and eventually others will. It's hard in the beginning, and always for some of us. but you WILL get there. If you were on the other side of the pond and a year older(legalities, etc.) I'd show you myself. Have fun, and know that some of us really care for you!
A
female
reader, missaqua777 + ♥, writes (10 May 2008):
 you are not a boring person at all but you obviously have some confidence issues, which always hinder the person's life in some way. shy people with confidence issues are so common and everyone is shy at some time in their life but as you learn and grow you will become a more confident person, do things like practise youre public speaking regularly and anytime you feel like you cant do something remember all the things that you feel proud about it can be anything that makes you feel valuable as a person, the smallest thing. this is how i got over my confidence issues, also try new things more-try new and different things than your friends because this will help you develop as an individual- hun do you actually REALLY want a bf because just cause your friends may be into it, you're your own person and being an individual is way more valuable than being able to say "oh yeah i have boyfriend" im so good blah blah-in actula fact having a boyfriend means nothing, the important thing is that youre comfortable in your own skin and mature with who you are, whether youre single or not is irrelevant as long as you're happy. life isnt great at the moment but im telling you when you develop more as an individual you will meet the right people who are interesting and amazing and value you for who you are. you dont need to go out drinking with them just for the sake of drinking, what are you interseted in pursue it as a hobby. it is a life problem but nothing you cant overcome and more people are going through it than you realise :) good luck and feel completely free to meassage me further :):) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, Kimaxsi +, writes (10 May 2008):
Just because you are naturally quiet and shy does not mean you are boring. I am extremely shy, it takes me a while to warm in social situations so obviously I tend to be quiet in the beginning, but I don't consider myself boring lol
Even if your interests are such that they are not for everyone (which actually is the case for all interests), I assure that someone will find you interesting. My husband is big into math and computers, not many people like math, but as a math teacher plenty of his colleagues do enjoy math. Joining a club whether at school or in the community with people who have similar interests should help you meet people, if you have electives at school classes you choose to take, then the people in those classes who have also chosen to be there might be a really good bet.
Since you are obviously going to parties or hanging out somewhere to be drinking with people you can't be that unpopular.
If you have no interests then great go out and try stuff, till you find something you do like. Join some clubs, take a dance class, or martial arts class, take art classes whatever. Show interest in other people, use your quietness, if you are a good listener and ask people about themselves, after a while they'll become increasingly curious about you. Keep up with events at your school and the popular culture, enough so that you know what people are talking about and don't feel completely alienated. Don't just sit around and wait for people to come to you, the thing is often times people assume us shy folk, hate other people or that we are totally anti-social so they won't bother much even in they are intrigued because they'll assume you want to be alone! No one likes being rejected so if they think rejection odds are high with you, they won't come to you. SO that means you'll have to take some initiative to prove them wrong, and if a nice person invites you come place don't come up with an immediate way to get out of it, even if you are nervous as heck, go it may end terrible but if you don't put yourself out there you won't get better at it. You can also start study groups for your best and favorite subjects.
Discover yourself if you don't know what type of music you dig listen to all kinds, including the popular stuff other kids like I mean at least give it a shot its okay if you hate it, I do lol Discover your own sense of style, I started out this way I went from wearing my neutral invisible clothes to picking things I loved and wearing whatever the heck I felt like, popular are not and I got so many compliments. I mean in highschool I decided randomly to dress up like a hippie and this guy I'd never met threw his arm around me immediately and claimed me as his girlfriend, which is just odd but the point is if you express yourself and are yourself some people are going to get curious!
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