A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been going out for a year now and have went through some patchy situiations, we almost split up recently but got back together again on the terms that we wouldnt do what was making us bad last time - moaning etc. However, he went to his and my friends house the other night with his boy mates and a couple of girls, and i just had such a jealous feeling. I dont know if its the fact that i wasnt invited but i dont want to feel like this at all because i want things to get better between us so i dont want to tell him how im feeling or anything. he did say that he was at hers and i could come if a wanted, but i dont feel like he wants me there i just feel like hes asking because he has to. Am i stressing over extremely small things? how can i stop being so sensitive and feeling so jealous?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (29 July 2012):
Hi there. At least he told you straight out, where he was going.
What I'm saying, is that he didn't lie and say he was going somewhere else.
So that's a good thing. It means he's honest with you.
It would have been much worse, if he said he was going to a mate's place, and was really seeing some girl, don't you think?
And then you only found out from someone else telling you the truth, a few days later.
Surely, that would be much more or a concern for you?
Perhaps you were a little insecure that you weren't asked by him, and so then you felt he was trying to hide something from you.
And that would probably be a normal reaction, I would say.
So you might be stressing over small things, however what we are really talking about here, is an apparent absence of trust in him.
And it's only when one person DOES NOT trust another, that there are doubts each time the one not trusted, goes out on their own.
Which it is in this case.
So maybe, what needs to happen here, is that you learn to trust him all the time, no matter what he does or where he goes or who he's with.
So what I am really trying to say, is to trust him completely, unless and until he ever gives you any reason NOT to.
And once you DO trust him consistently, well then those doubts you currently have, will cease to exist.
And as well as that, the stress you currently feel will not longer exist either, as a natural consequence.
And perhaps it could be as part of the trust issue, it might be that you DO trust him, and are not so sure about the other females that might be there where he is going, and whether they can be trusted.
However, it still comes down to trusting him, anyway.
Your trust in him is the most important thing.
Trust is so important in any relationship, and it's part of the glue that keeps two people together and wanting to stay together.
The other important thing in a relationship, is the feeling of emotional connectedness between you.
A
female
reader, NameIs_B  +, writes (28 July 2012):
What I have learned from dating is trust your gut and don't second guess yourself. When you feeling there is something fishy going on then most likely there is. Next time your guy goes over to a friends house then kinda asks you to go, GO! Dress up super cute and go. If he didn't want you there then you will truly get your answer when you show up. Also go do things without him and honestly without informing him. Live your life. When he sees you out with girl and guy friends and if he has feelings for you the way you have for him then in turn your man will know the battle you are having within. Just remember to trust your gut. If things seem weird and he is not putting forth the effort you are wanting dump him, you will find someone who respects you and wants you around with mutual friends as well as his friends.
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