A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Am I being shallow? I have just met a guy for the first time on a dating site. We got on famously and really gelled with personality. The problem is, I actually thought he was physically very unattractive to me and didn't fancy him at all. He wants to meet again and I will because I had a good night (albeit we only met for drinks for a couple of hours). If you find someone so unattractive initially, can you ever get past that? You don't have to make me feel guilty about saying this, as I do already. Who's to say he doesn't think the same about me?! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks folks. It's good to hear different views.
I am going to a comedy club with him and if I remember and if you are interested, will give you an update.
J
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (6 September 2008):
 Can i just say i met a guy a few yrs ago, that i didn't fancy at all pysically. Swapped numbers the night we met, txt a few times after, didn't feel very enthusiastic about meeting him again, but did, a month later. Can i just say, after that he came round and we watched videos, it wasn't til over a month later that i actually kissed the guy, then we got into a relationship, then i spent 2 yrs with the guy fancying the arse off him!
Thats the way i am. I dont fancy the outside of someone, it takes time for me now to fancy the whole package!
Maybe you are the same. Give it a bit of time. If you dont fancy him after a few weeks you have your answer.
Shallow people tend to fancy the outside package.
Take care
C xxxxxx
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A
male
reader, Straight Up1  +, writes (6 September 2008):
 Nothing to feel guilty about... that physical "spark" must be there, no matter how you gel from any other standpoint.
This is usually what breeds a friend in someone, unless of course he only sees you in a sexual light...then there is an issue in becoming friends.
Try the friend angle with him and see if it is a mutual understanding.
Good people in life are very hard to find, especially one that you see eye to eye with.
And if you have problems with that....you can always set him up with one of your uglier friends hahaa!! ;)
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A
female
reader, x..BabyGirl..x +, writes (6 September 2008):
 No, you can't help what/who turns you on. Tell him you'd love to meet him again, but as friends, and nothing more. I'm sure he'll understand, but tell him that you'd love to be friends.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): Shallow?? God, no. It's what we humans all do when we meet someone the first time. We check out their physical attractiveness. And yes, you can get past that, especially if he's got this amazing personality! I have met some very attractive people in my life, who became very 'ugly' fast, all due to an unbecoming, selfish personality. I think we all have experienced that. I also have met physically unattractive people, who in the end, I viewed as the most 'beautiful' people, because I saw them in their most honest truthful, respectful, caring 'light'. It sounds like you have that all in perspective, hun. It's the person's decent character and fun personality that you will see, if you were to stay the course with this guy. But if you can't get past his unattractiveness in the end, don't be hard on yourself. It just means that 'he's not getting that spark going' in you and he's not the guy for you. As far as I'm concerned, dating usually has a purpose. It's to finding a good, match for yourself, learning about relationships and what you like and don't like. It's your life and if you have certain 'type' of guy in mind and this fellow doesn't match the criteria, then go out and find that guy. It's your life, your future happiness. So stop feeling guilty and go be happy with your choices and whomever you choose.
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A
male
reader, Chippymunk +, writes (6 September 2008):
 Hello, no I don't think you're shallow. I think everybody has their own thing that attracts them. For example, some people are attracted to money, some to looks, some to personality, etc. And in return, some people have money but not looks, some have personality but not money, and so on. It'll be silly to say that everybody should only be attracted to personalities. So if you enjoy his company then sure, spend time together. But if after a while you still find him unattractive, then it's understandable and you guys can still be good friends.
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