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female
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anonymous
writes:Been with my b/f 5 years and we've discussed marriage in the near future, like this summer. We're not planning a big wedding, in fact we want to just elope in Vegas, no frills. I've been looking at rings (nothing elaborate or extremely expensive) but my b/f hasn't seemed that interested in the whole process of picking out rings. He says, "You'll know when you find the one you want and I'll be happy to pay for it." So after about 6 months of the occasional walk by the jewelry counter when we're out shopping, I found the ring I wanted but my b/f wasn't there and the ring was on sale for that day only. It was a helluva deal, so I applied for the jewelry store credit card, and bought it. But later he acted like he was a little disappointed he wasn't there, and wasn't really part of the choice. I don't get it. He's not particularly sentimental about other things. He wanted to elope to avoid a big production. I thought I was doing him a favor instead of dragging him to look at more rings. What happened here? Did I miss some kind of man-code on this subject?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (22 May 2010):
 Oh! That's the way some men would pretend to show their pseudo concerns but inside, they are glad that the ring episode is over. Nothing to get worked up over this.
They are glad that you did not drag them through 10 miles of walking through all those jewelery shops in different locations.
Maybe , next time,you need to give him a call before you buy anything you fancy which is pricey a bit on the side..
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks chigirl your answer made sense. I am sorry "Ask Older Sister" wasted 14 paragraphs and her holy soapbox for nothing. Our sex life has never been better. Sorry to disappoint her. My b/f has been up to bat for "marital bliss" 2 times. I have come to realize he doesn't get excited by the whole ring shopping because it's too familiar of past failures. His initial mood has since lifted and I think he's rather grateful the search for my ring is over with and that I was not so high-maintenance to insiste on a ring that's going to cost him half of his income. Don't worry, I'm quite good a fluffing his ego and keeping him sexually happy.
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female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 Clue #1: Looking through my handy dandy Smart Girls' Guide to All That Man Code Crap it says: He doesn't give a damn. You're interpreting this as disappointment in his not being there , too. Men *hate* cool things like jewelry or bed linen shopping. Try taking him to shop for shoes. Same expression prevails. You have the ring. That's more than you had last week. Be happy.Clue #2 For livelier expressions shop Vicky's Secret, max out the credit card, hell, burn the numbers off that baby! Guaranteed reaction.Men just don't care about the same things we do. It's that simple. If you're not sure, sit him and tell him you want to talk about your "feelings" or simply say "Let's talk about our relationship" If he enthusiastically wants to engage, throw out the Man Code Guide.If he suddenly needs to go clean the garage, Keep the Guide and still be happy with the ring.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2010): Holy crap. Ask older sister hit the nail right on the head, whether we guys want to own up to it or not. 99 out of 100 wouldn't care? Hardly. Most guys want to be the one to BUY the ring but are happy to let her pick it out. I just hope ask older sister uses her powers for good not evil.
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 I'm not sure if this is your engagement or wedding ring we are talking about here. If it's your engagement ring tell him he can go and pick out your wedding ring or eternity ring to make him feel better. ;-)
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 Yes. The deal was you pick a ring, he pays. You both picked and payed. He needs a ring too though, doesn't he? Offer to go with him for the lookout for a ring for him too?
A wedding is a womans deal, we pick and choose. But the guy wants to be included at some level. He doesn't like picking out colours for the table settings, but he doesn't want to be treated like he's not needed in anything.
Its a guy thing. Ask him if there's anything you can do to make up for it. Don't take back the ring however, I am sure it was a great buy and I am also positive he is very happy that you found the right one for you! He's just bummed out he wasn't a part of the experience. So try and make him a part of something else that is just as important (or make it sound like it is just as important). He needs to feel needed!
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