A
female
age
41-50,
*ody_marie27
writes:I am trying not to be clingy and so far so good. I have been with him for about 9 months. What I don't get are two things. The first thing is we have not had that relationship discussion yet I have heard him call me "my girl" on the phone... What does that mean?2nd thing is we will have times where we spend a lot of time together and then we don't. He had basketball last night, coaching class tonight and now a guy's movie night tomorrow night. Which by the way is a movie he knows I wanna see. I am confused as to what is normal? He still calls me all day so that is not the issue. It's almost as if this happens sometimes where we have that togetherness and then times we go 3 nights. Does this mean anything? Am I just being too clingy in my head? Also he plays baseball so he leaves soon and I feel like he should want constant time with me..... But from my childhood I do have dependancy problems. Thanks! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jody_marie27 +, writes (15 January 2009):
jody_marie27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. That actually made me feel sooo much better. Seems when I start to freak out about him he somehow manages to make it ok without him even knowing it. I think he is just one of those guys that doesnt wanna lose his guy stuff and it scares him. He even makes jokes about women and I joke back that I will cut his legs off..All in good fun of course. So I think we are fine, Im from a place where guys cling if they like you. He is an honest guy. I think he would have told me by now if he wasnt only with me. Or atleast I hope so!
A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (15 January 2009):
 I agree, much better info. I dont think you have to worry and by what you just said it sounds like you guys are in a good relationship. Just talk with him like i said to make sure you are his one and only girl. As far as more time together just let him know that he is wanted around alot more. But if this baseball thing is as serious to him as it sounds, you may have to wait a while for that or move on if you cant wait.
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A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (14 January 2009):
 Hi,
That information is much better, mabey it would have been good to post that in the first place. As I see fit you have nothing to worry about with him at all. The only thing is he does. He needs to make more of a comitment to fulfill your needs, ie: him being around more often or taking you with him to his sports events. for a guy nothings better than having your girl watching and supporting you at a game! not every game but most ;)
Cheers.
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A
female
reader, jody_marie27 +, writes (14 January 2009):
jody_marie27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone. I wanted to add something extra. We do talk 5 times a day when not together (even calls before bed) and he is very attentive when we are together and I dont think he is a player. He is very into sports (plays baseball, leaves for spring training in april) and guy stuff so I think that is part of it. Also for those 9 mnths, 6 months have been with him away playing ball. We seem to be together. I think the girl in his life is the "girl" in his life. I guess the confusing part is sometimes we are together every 2nd night then times like this week we are going more than that. We do spend most weekends together. If he is not playing me then is that ok? I guess part of me just wants more time with him. When he got back from christmas it was great. We spent like 4 nights straight together. It is making me feel really insecure right now.
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A
female
reader, pastfirst +, writes (14 January 2009):
 I can understand (because of your age) that you're under a bit of pressure for him to commit.
Just give him time. You may think you're NOT putting pressure on him but he may be a bit nervous anyway.
Show him how happy you are when you DO see him. Don't nag if he wants to go out with the guys once in a while. Give him space, and let him make the decision as to what he wants from you.
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (14 January 2009):
Hi jodie_marie27,
Firstly, your not being clingy. Some partners like to have a very casual relationship. But have you guys ever made it clear to each other that you are together or not? Have you ever been out, both of you together with your friends? And "my girl" could mean 1) He is your boyfriend or; 2) He is playing you. 3) You are his friend. Measuring between them is entirely up to you, but I can clearly see how this is confusing you.
Not that he may be doing this at all but it is a common sign of a players tactic to never give a full indication of the status of the relationship, thus the person (you) are always in a state of question, and alwaus wanting to find out more or learn more about the relationship. Again he might not mean this at all, he could simply be a very bad communicator.
Are you living together? I could be wrong here but if you are, then clearly you are together. if not then, there is a definite element of deliberate confusion going on in this particular case, because you have question.
As for the second thing. Again its heavily reliant on the above three points and how you determine them. Id wait till after the movie and see if he's going to surprise you, he might take you. If not then id make the effort to clear it up with him and put him on the line, sometimes you need to do this to save yourself from being hurt. If he asks why simply say you want to take the next step after 9 months in the relationship. This is completely normal and natural especially after 9 months.
If he runs, then he's not worth it! And he maybe afraid that this could expose a secret he has or he may simply be not ready for a relationship with you. If he stays he will change his ways and make more of an effort in the near future (keep an eye on that too, because if he goes back to the old ways he just told you what you wanted to hear and didn't make any actions). Either way you get your answer and can move on. Because you deserve to be loved the way you want to.
Let me know how you go :)
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (14 January 2009):
From my point of view you may have waited too long to have the relationship talk because it sounds like he pretty much gets all the perks of a relationship without putting in the work for it. 9 months to me is an awful long time to be seeing someone without asking, "so are you my boyfriend now?" or something along those lines. But, a relationship, (if you figure out that it is one), cant survive in a vacuum. What I mean is the whole constant attention thing can be suffocating and ruin a relationship. When he's not around you go out with your friends or take up a hobby or something too. I think you will both be happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): to me that sounds normal. I dont think you need to be seeing him every day, as long as you guys see each other often.
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