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Am I just a bit of fun, so he keeps me a secret?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 April 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 8 April 2011)
A female Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

How do you know when you are being used for "one thing"? Ive being in a relationship for 6 month now. I would be offened if he didnt want to or fancy me like that but Im not sure if thats all he is after. Im not saying we are at it all the time or that he preassure's me into doing it.

Its just he keeps me a secret from everyone and no one knows I exsist in his life and I just see him when he wants to see me which is 2 or 3 times a week.

We always go out somewhere together we never spend time at my house or his, although we do live with our parents. Hes being to mine a couple of times and my parents have met him and know about him and my friends too.

I just wonder if this a bit of fun to him and hes not as serious as me?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011):

Nope, he isnt married, thats what everyone thinks. I know he has no kids either. Yeah he is older than me by 8 year. He doesnt have the best of families... they a family who no one likes if im honest.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011):

Something tells me this is an age gap relationship.Is he by any chance 6-7 years older than you?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011):

Eh, that's seriously dodgy. How old is this guy?? I don't mean to totally freak you out, but this happened to me and the guy turned out to be married!!! I was around your age at the time and had never had a boyfriend before so completely did not see the warning signs!!

Suggest to him that you go for a date in a restaurant very close to where he lives (pick a specific one). If he says no and suggests somewhere else, be VERY suspicious!! Also, tell him that since he has met your friends, you think maybe you should meet his and his family. Don't be pushy or anything, just make out like you're innocently asking these things. If he still refuses you, then I'm sorry, but you have one seriously dodgy situation. And if he ever asks you to spend the night at a hotel or anything with him, run away as fast as you can. That is never the behaviour of an innocent guy. There's no reason why he shouldn't involve you in his life. I'll bet he was the one that suggested meeting your friends too, right??

If he says you'll meet his friends etc, but never actually sets anything up, say something. Tell him you're worried that he's keeping you a secret.

I hope for your sake it turns out to be something really dumb, like he's embarrassed of his mortifying family or something.

Good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011):

It does sound a little suspicious. You have been in a relationship with him since the end of last year. An intimate relationship too, so its not as if you are just friends. He has met your family, been welcomed into your 'world' but for some reason doesnt want you in his. Many have been wedded and bedded in far less time. And many who drag their heels, do so because there are problems. You need to talk to him and find out why he only sees you when it suits and wont introduce you.

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