A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:O.K simple question. My friend and I were asking each other random questions about each other. It was mostly about favourite things and stuff, then it was three things you dislike about the other one. He said he only has one thing about me that he doesn't like and that's me controlling him. Thing is, I don't control him. He does some stupid things and I worry about him because we are pretty close, but he sees it as controlling if I suggest that something (smoking/drinking too much etc.) probably isn't a good idea. Am I in the wrong? I don't say he can't do it and I don't try and stop him from it, it's just that I've mentioned a couple of times over the past 6 months (since it started) that it's not really good for him in any way and I leave it at that. Is that wrong of me or is he just misinterpreting it? And is there anything I can do about it or not? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2012): If you've said it more than once or twice, then yes you are being controlling. or at the very least annoying. He heard you already the first time, and the second time, and the third...the reason he's not doing what you say he should do is because he's decided not to. yet you keep repeating over and over again so that means that you are being controlling because you won't let him be. Yes you are being caring but you are also being controlling.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (16 March 2012):
 It's not so much controlling as it is nagging. He already knows, like everyone else, that smoking and drinking are not the healthiest of activities so it really is unnecessary and repetitive of you to point it out to him.
Your disapproval is always hanging in the air whether you voice it or not and that feels the same as actually hearing it often.
And to second what YouWish has said, it's never a good idea to ask someone what they dislike about you. Few people are really prepared for the truth, and relationships are built upon likes and similarities. It would be like asking someone to list reasons NOT to be your friend. Not only pointless, but it could lead to trouble.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 March 2012):
 Well, the biggest lesson you can learn from this is that if you want to keep your friends, never play a game like "three things you dislike". Like is fine, but dislike...ouch!
That being said, I think part of it was that he wanted to think of something to say for the question, and the other part is that he probably does, in fact, feel chafed by your repeated statements of disapproval of what you see is his unhealthy behavior.
I think you should let it go. What he's really saying is that he wants you to accept him as he is, unhealthy vices and all. Also, try and leave the "dislike" stuff out of questions. He still likes you as a friend, or he would have ended the friendship if he felt you were truly too controlling.
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