A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a man last year in February. We met in a trip to South America. I am currently living in the USA and he lives in Germany. We communicate in daily basis and have a great emotional connection. We were planning to meet here last year when the Covid restrictions hit the USA; everybody who desires to entry the country must be vaccinated. It happens that he doesn't believe in the vaccines so never got vaccinated so far. He got sick with covid last month and we were thinking great not need for vaccine anymore but at the time for him to book flights they are still requiring the vaccines no matter what. If I have the time I will flight to Europe but due my work schedule is not possible now. I am getting frustrated of the idea that for how long this is going to be? I am just wondering I am sitting here in the other side of the world waiting for someone that probably can take years or I don't for know how long to be able to travel internationally. Any intake is greatly appreciate. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2022): Hi OP. Take WiseOwlE's advice. I agree with him 100 per cent. What he said was one of the best answers you will ever get. He said it all.
I am sad to say that it does not look like this guy is as serious as you are about this relationship. I am sure he enjoyed his time on vacation with you but maybe it was just a vacation fling? He doesn't seem to want to put any effort into seeing you now that your vacation is over. Doesn't that tell you something OP? How do you know he wasn't just having a good time with you in South America and it was nothing more, a good time with no strings? How do you KNOW he does not have a wife or girlfriend in Germany? And you were just a pleasant departure from real life? And still are?
Who contacts who first? Is it you who puts all the effort into communicating? I would be curious to know. If so, you are being the aggressor and he is just going along for the ride. Most people can say anything online. It is not real life. It is easy to pretend to be someone you are not online and it is easy to pretend you are single. You have no idea who this man is in real life. He could be a total fraud. It is easy to see a person's good side when you do not see them in everyday life and actually share a life together. All you have here is some fantasy and the fantasy of this man you created. You have made him into who you want him to be. Not who he really is. You have no idea who he really is. And I think it is unwise of you to get this hooked on a man you know nothing about. Or even if he is married or is seeing someone else close by? It would be hard to trust what he is up to when you are all the way across the world. Even if he does not outright lie about who he sees, he could lie by omission, which means he will not mention if he is in another relationship or is seeking women in his own country, or going out on other dates, while still talking to you. Have you ever asked him if he is married or in another relationship? Have you ever asked him if this relationship is exclusive and committed? Have you ever asked him these important questions? Has he said he LOVES you OP? What makes you think this man is serious about you and wants a future with you? Either way, no matter what he says or doesn't say, you still will never know the truth. Only what he wants you to believe. But the truth is right in front of you. His actions speak louder than words. And the fact he does not want to come out to see you says all you need to know.
Is there something about YOU OP that enjoys the arms length relationship? Do you prefer the fantasy over something real? Are you afraid of commitment? What makes you put all your effort into a man who you never see and don't really know? Surely there are men in your area. Surely you have a job, hobbies, friends, activities you can do in your life? Why are you holding yourself back with this pretend relationship? It seems to me you need to start living, your life. And letting go of this fantasy figure you seem to want to hang onto at all costs.
If this man really wanted to see you, he would move Heaven and earth to come see you. But all he is doing is making excuses. Why? Because he does not want to see you ENOUGH. Because he just isn't into you. Because you are more into him than he is into you. I think you need to stop chasing him. I think you need to pull back. Why would you waste years of your life waiting for him to choose you, or make up his mind? I think you have already wasted enough time on him. I say it is time to move on and find someone available to you who lives closer to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2022): If he truly wanted to see you again, it seems he would do whatever it takes; even if he had to get vaccinated. Sorry, but you can catch covid again; even if you've had it. There are different variants of the virus. Even if you have been vaccinated, the immunization can wane, and you can still get infected. The covid vaccine does not make you immune, it lessons the worst symptoms of the infection. You're not likely to be hospitalized and on a ventilator. That's why older people are getting their second boosters. I'm just saying this FYI!
I don't want to put a damper on things; but distance IS going to be a problem, and you WILL be waiting a long time. If it's not one thing, it will be another. They are easing covid restrictions; but there is a slight surge due to yet another variant. So maybe, here we go again!
You don't have to wait for him. I assure you, there are fine men all over the world; even in your own vicinity. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't hold my breath about seeing him again; unless you get your body on a plane to fly and see him. It would save *him* tons of money, and a lot of long trips. Did you pickup a hidden message in that remark?
It may have taken him a long time to save-up for that trip to South America. I don't know what he told you about what he does for a living. How much do you know about his life back in Germany? Are you 100% certain he is single? It might take him awhile to save-up for a trip to North America; but he has a couple of valid excuses for delay. Vaccination requirements for international travel, and long-distance. You don't have to travel 4,882 miles (from USA to Germany) to find a man, my dear.
If you've just gotta have that one, it comes with a lot of obstacles and conditions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2022): Personally I never see the point of a long distance relationship because of all the problems and short comings that go with it. Either you wait ages to meet or you travel a long way to meet - both crappy choices. In the meantime you call it a relationship when it is not. You cannot base a relationship on a few chats online, not even daily chats for a long time, it is not enough. You have no idea of if he is all he says he is or is faithful in between, far too many bad bits for my liking. I am not single but when I was I would instantly dismiss any guy who lived a long way away because of these problems and scenarios and headaches. Am glad I did.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2022): Well you cant force him to get a vaccine and you cant dictate the law, so you have only two choices 1) fly to Germany or another neutral country and see him, 2) end the relationship, 3) wait it out for an unspecified amount of time and see what happens. I guess you are fed up with option 3 already so that leaves you with 1 or 2. If you can't find the time with work to take a holiday then this relationship sounds pretty doomed anyway.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2022): I honestly don't know what to tell you.
Nobody can predict the future.
It really sucks that your lives have been put on hold because of the pandemic.
I'm not going to pretend here and say that everybody's life is on pause, because we are all in differents stages of life. You are looking for a partner, so for you this period is especially difficult.
I can relate even though it hit me on a somewhat different level. I had lost my job two weeks before the pandemic started. Finding a new one was extremly difficult. It took me 18 months just to find two low paying jobs that demand university education. You get my point.
But life is what it is.
You are getting to know your partner in extreme conditions and that is not a bad thing!
Imagine that you had gotten to to know each other when everything was rosy. You wouldn't have know how he deals with stress.
Having said that, I need to underline that LD relationships are hard. Basically you live parallel lives. So you have to make moreof an effeort to be a part of each other's lives. At some point you will also have to decide where you two are going to live. And it will be sooner than you think. At our age (I'm 45) we don't have time to spare.
If your question is only about travelling restrictions. Don't worry. The measures are being dropped everywhere. It's politics. They want to let people have fun, regardless of teh consequances.
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