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male
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anonymous
writes: I broke up with my partner of three years in a long distance SECRET gay relationship last week. We broke up out of the blue, and I was not expecting this at all as I Truely believed that we'd be together for ever.He was my first partner, and I Lost my virginity to him, we did love each other, but at this moment I'm very confused.While we were together we only wanted each other, and he only wanted me, and he declared his love for me.Before we got involved he was involved with a woman for four years but he was not happy, and a year later we met and fell in love.We haven't been with anyone else while we were together.Now he says that he has to be true to himself, and what he wants, etc etc, and eventually he said that he is bisexual, likes "fucking" guys but wants to be with a woman, and can't change what he feels, and he said that, I'll always be his first and only great love" which has left me even more confused.This has left me completely clueless, If I never met him i would have eventually meet a a girl that i loved.I'm very confused I feel angry that i wasted 3years where I am absolutely hurt now, and my confidence and self esteem have gone to zero, and all of sudden he changes and I get dropped. he wanted to marry me.I'm confused, I would say that i am attracted to men, but find woman beatuful, and amazing and I'm attracted, but i've never been in a relationship where I explore that field, and sexually.Am I gay? Bisexual, Or straight? How do I found out? In my heart I want to be with a woman, as society expects that and I'd be happy, and my family would be happy, then I think i want a man, as I feel attracted to them but my parents would die, and I'd be judged?I'm seriously confused, and I just need some help and a guide line to what Is meant for me?I truely loved him, but never got to experience what its like being with a woman, I've never been with a woman, and I'm completely scared, because I fear that i wont be good enough.if I haven't been with a woman am i still a virgin?I know these qustions are stupid, but I'm so dump struck at this point that I dont know if im coming or going?Please help me, I know I have issues with my sexuallity that I need to sort out, but what hurts is that i truely loved this man, and I feel as though I was used, and I FEEL DIRTY.Does that make me a bad person? I'm 22yrs old, and I sound like a teenager, but this was my first serious relationship, and I don't know where to turn. I cant talk with my family, as this was a secret, and they have never suspected a thing.What should I do?
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broke up, confidence, fell in love, long distance, lost my virginity, self esteem, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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male
reader, yoyouyont +, writes (30 May 2006):
look you were together for 3yrs and as a result being your first deep relationship this is not going to be enjoyable. realise that although he feels differently that you have more to offer than just what he enjoy'ed. The secrecy must be crushing you and i feel very sorry. but realise (sorry, manspeak)that you have fresh meat on the table when your heart lets you back and in the mean time just love yourself in an egotistical and self reliant manner, to counteract negative emotional effects. i have been suicidal, etc. but never have i put my family through the selfish underbellie of depression, because i knew it was fake and that they deserve manners and false normality even if it shuts them up. you are not a bad person for feeling used and it must be remembered that the absence of a confidant will exacerbate the intesity of your situation. you deserve a loving relationship, (not nessessarily sexual). Get some hobbies like art or walking, climbing etc. keep yourself busy and make life as enjoyable as it can be. look for genuine ( freindship) love and companionship as freinds take the sting out of any bee
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2006): Hi, I can totally sympathise with your situation.When we fall in love for the first time we would like to believe that these feelings will last forever.Sadly in most cases our first true love never lasts and this is a very hurtful experience especially when you have lost your virginity and explored your first sexual relationship.You are not a bad person and don't feel dirty about yourself. You are only 22 and have your whole life ahead of you. You say that you are a little confused about your own sexuality, well the only way to find out is to date girls and see whether you are sexually attracted to them. You may find that being with a woman makes you feel complete and that your relationship with this guy was a passing phase in your life. It is not uncommon for young men to experience gay relationships and then decide later on when they have matured sexually that they prefer women. Then again, if you find you are not sexually attracted to women this means that you could be gay
alternatively you could be bisexual and like both sexes.Only you can find this out for yourself, I know this is a challenging time for you, but you have everything to look forward to.Take your time,concentrate on the things you enjoy doing and get out there and socialise.Meeting people who will get to know you and realise what a wonderful guy you are.You worry that you are not good enough for a woman..how can you say this? If you do find a woman you are sexually attracted to,then I'm sure if you take things slowly everything will turn out ok.Everyone is nervous about having sex for the first time with a new partner,but by discussing with your partner likes,dislikes etc it can become a wonderful journey of exploration.Don't beat yourself up anymore, you're a great guy, get out there and have some fun!
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