A
female
age
41-50,
*ismet
writes:After reading the "Married Man/Single Woman Syndrome" article by Older Sister, I have a question that might throw your theory on its side...I have been dating a man for 10 months now. During a chance encounter, we had some chemistry between us that led to us exchanging emails. We wrote to one another, playing the 20 Q's game, during which time I learned that he was separated, living with his 2 yr old daughter at his parent's home, and had been doing so for the last 6 months.I wasn't sure I wanted to date a 'separated' man with a child, but since I'm an open-hearted 33 yr old female, I remained open to him. We started a very slow but solid connection in which he shared that he had been married for 6 yrs, but after 2 years of counselling, the couple were just not slated to be. He shared that there were aspects of his life that he was not comfortable sharing with me, but I told him it would happen when it felt right, and didn't press him. After 3 months into our connection we became physically and emotionally intimate, and seemed to connect on so many levels. Everything seemed to be going so well, and after 8 months I decided I wanted to explore more between us.So, during a conversation in which I had planned to explore more details with him, he out of the blue tells me that there is more to his life than he originally shared and that he needs to share it now.As it turns out, 2 months into our connection, the woman he had separated from gave birth to their second child. At first I was too shocked to make sense of it all, but after some time I asked for more details. It turns out the couple had continually tried to make things work, and separted several times for various lengths of time. In trying to make things work for the sake of their first child, they kept trying to make the relationship work and part of this entailed being intimate with one another. After she became pregnant with their 2nd child, he realized the patterns between them were never going to change and decided to live with his parents for a few months. This is around the time he met me. He didn't share any of this from the start, so it was 8 months into our connection that I realized we had built something based on partial truths. I was devastated. After many, many, many long talks and continuous efforts to forgive and move forward, I am still connected to this man. It has been 21/2 months since he shared his truths, and I continue to struggle with aspects of it while admitting to myself that I have strong feelings for him.To make matters all the more complicated, he currently lives in the home with his ex and the children, partly to do with creating a family environment, and partly to do with saving money so he can move out on his own while still ensuring all financial child supports etc. will be met. I honestly believe that he is a good guy, but as we both agree, he made a very big mistake in not being forthcoming with me. He has since been very honest with me, and has also shared with his ex-partner that he has met someone else. They both seem to be very understanding with one another and he told me she was actually happy that he had found someone that he cares about.My question is do you think this scenario is doomed for failure, and that I am fooling myself in thinking that it might actually work? He doesn't make any false promises to me, and has followed through on every word he has spoken about moving forward in his life...he simply needs time to get things sorted out. It is this very time that makes me wonder if I am wasting it on someone who does not deserve it.Any thoughts?Kismet out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): Hi, you both share a deep and intimate connection, the very fact that he became honest with you about his past situation, is enough to show that he deeply cares for you and about you. All relationships involving a third person, and family, will be difficult at times. The only thing that will make this doomed, is you.. ie my belief is if you put out that it is doomed this is what you will create. Relax, take some time to centre yourself, and do some healing, if you are willing, and from what I have read you are, to be with this man, then develop the bond, and build and move on from this. The first step which you have already established in any relationship is communication, and being honest, you are half way their. All relationships are designed to grow and experience each other, and you will be much stronger from this. Love xx
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