A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's ex girlfriend (whom he was with for 3 yrs) prior to me, asked him to "cosign" a $10,000 student loan for her. Personally I think its just another way for her to hold on to him and stay present in his life, so they have "reason" to talk or, if need be, meet up. But regardless of that, I think asking someone to "cosign" for you is kind of a big/personal favor to ask AND as for him... agreeing to cosign a loan seems like a pretty BIG commitment to make to an ex especially when you consider the amount AND, the fact that you live with your current girlfriend (whom you've been with for over a year). Am I wrong? Its an Education Maximizer Loan through Bank of America for $10,000. Since the day she asked him to do this they've been dealing with trying getting this loan approved for almost a month now (since Sept. 28). And since that day she asked him to cosign, they talk to each other 2, 3, 4 times a week and see each other maybe once a week ... you know, for "loan" stuff. And of course, I am never told any of the phone calls, her stopping by his work, or him running by her house. I have to look in his phone (which is shady) and confront him about it. And maybe I am crazy to be completely irritated by this whole situation but, in my opinion, the involvement they’ve had with each other over the past month seems to be a little excessive for cosigning a loan. No? She txt him to tell him that the loan was finally approved yesterday and the check will getting here this Thursday morning. Then she follows up by asking him what he's doing that morning because, and I quote, "we both have to go to the bank and be there to cash the check." In which he respond to her text by calling her. Is this the usual procedure for borrower/cosigner? Does he REALLY have to be there to cash HER loan check? How much involvement is really necessary, or does this seem excessive to you too? As cosigner, what does his involvement REALLY consist of? Maybe I am totally out of line but I really feel like they are both over stepping some boundaries. I had to ask someone who was familiar with student loans and the involvement between borrower/cosigner because I think ENOUGH is ENOUGH!Thank you so much for your time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): I agree with what everyone is saying, and i'd NOT be ok w/ my bf loaning an ex money nor would I be ok w/ him keeping in touch w/ her or hanging out for any reason. Leave the past in the past, it's just trouble and there should be no need for it. He should consider ur feelings before hers. Though you shoulda made it clear to him how you felt to begin with, but I can see why you were confused as well. Also some guys have a way of making u think u're the 1 thats nuts or wrong for worrying or thinking anything of it, they make it like what they doing is so normal and right.
A
female
reader, Emzy1591  +, writes (24 October 2007):
 This does sound a bit fishy. I mean why couldnt she get a parent or relative to cosign it?
If that was my guy i would be absolutely furious and would of stayed away for a few nights just to calm down! It is completely out of order. I mean why chose him out of everybody she knows? If they were still together its more understandable but the fact that shes his ex and she was with him before you.....it just seems she needs to move on and now theres no chance of that because of this loan.
Dont know what to say...speak to ur guy, tell him how u feel about it. I dont think ur crazy to be irritated because if that was me i would of hit the roof.
MSG me if u want some more help x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): I personally think your bf is WAY out of line here. Its not like she is his ex wife and they have children involved. Its just his ex girlfriend. That is just so sketchy. Your boyfriend should have alot more sense than to maintain this extremely personal relationship with his ex while he is already involved with you. I would not tolerate that for a milli-second. And don't take that the wrong way. I mean you are not the one who is wrong here. I can totally understand your confusion and how appalled and speechless you must be about all this. You probably just don't even know how to handle it cause its not the type of behavior you encounter by the typical boyfriend.
In any case, the second that he would have brought up any sort of encounter with his ex, especially to that extent, I would have stopped it immediatley. You should have made it a huge issue even before he went along with giving her the loan. Make him choose between you or the loan. For real. I think what he did is so inappropriate. But I guess you didn't make it an issue, and so now you are in a even tougher situation because you accepted all this and so he thinks it is ok. In reality it isn't. And the only reason a guy would do that for a girl is because he LOVES her. Something for you to think about. This relationship sounds like a headache and pure heartache for you. The fact that it even crossed his mind to do this for his ex (much less the fact that he actually did it), is a huge sign that his heart is not entirely YOURS, where it should be.
A guy is supposed to put you #1. He is supposed to make you feel confident and comfortable and safe. He has neglected doing this by totally disrespecting your boundaries as his girlfriend. A guy is supposed to care about YOUR feelings first. But he put her feelings before yours and totally disregarded how this might affect you. Most guys know better than to do something like that. Either he is just a massive pushover or he still has feelings for his ex. Either way, you can do SOOOOO much better.
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A
female
reader, NCLifeCoach +, writes (24 October 2007):
Co-signing a loan for friends is always trouble. I'd only advise parents to co-sign for their own children, if they are sure:
a. child can make the payment
b. parents have the money to cover the loan, without risk to their own credit score, should the child default on the loan
But, something tells me, you are really more concerned with the fact that your boyfriend is involved with the past girlfriend. Because if you aren't married, his money is his business. It's only when you become married that his credit becomes an issue (like you are responsible for it).
Maybe the real question is why you don't trust your boyfriend - and if you want more of a committed relationship - why aren't you in one?
The power of your life choices - belongs only to you!
Go get what you want!
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A
female
reader, CynthiaRenae +, writes (24 October 2007):
Just so you know (I used to work at a bank) any amount of money of 10,0000 or more goes on a national type report. And since he co signed with her he does have to be there for her to deposit the check because I'm sure it's made out to both of them and because of the amount. His involvement has been necessary. Now, in my opinion, he shouldn't have even co signed to begin with (why keep that attachment?). But now that it's technically over (the loan) she shouldn't need him for anything else. Unless she can't make payment and the loan sharks will be after him. Make sure he knows you're uncomfortable with this and I hope he realizes what kind of pickle he's gotten himself in.
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