A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy who has, in the space of less than 2 months, told me that he loved me, he could see us being together, that he had changed his mind about having kids and that he could see us having kids together, helped me a lot on a home improvement project, and just was so kind and loving.AND, he also out of the blue told me to lose his number because he felt I was too motherly, that he didn't see a future with us because I asked him too many personal questions, and made some really hurtful comments about the said home improvement project.He then, also, continued to text me after flaking on me twice, and now, after continuing to text me, tells me, again, out of the blue, to leave him alone and calls me crazy.I just don't understand why he acts this way. In the beginning he told me he got afraid of falling in love and being hurt. Then he tells me he isn't ready for a commitment because he hasn't dated for a long time. I have told him over and over that I am not trying to be anything but his friend. He texts me, but then, if I say anything he feels is too much in a dating genre, he tells me to leave him alone. If I apologize, he tells me to leave him alone, etc.Am I crazy to want some kind of understanding about why he is the way he is? He still never commented on why he changed his mind. He also doesn't comment on the random texts he sends me where he is complaining about something, or looking for sympathy, etc.I feel like I don't deserve to be treated this way. I am just trying to be nice to him, and he makes me out to be this horrible chick who is madly in love with him. I am not. He is the one who has said that to me. I think it is way too soon to have those types of feelings.He is older than me, has been married, has kids, and I am very confused by how he acts. things are so confusing because he won't actually talk about any of this. just text me to leave him alone. he won't answer questions or anything. just curse at me. I also worry because part of me thinks that if he calms down a bit, he will start texting me again. Am I crazy for just wanting more understanding and an apology? I keep feeling like if he was calmer, we could have a sensible conversation----he is a kind man when he wants to be, but lately, he is just so cold and mean towards me, and I don't know why. Or is he the crazy one? Or are we both crazy?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (15 December 2010):
 Don't even bother trying to understand. He's crazy. I mean, you can go around in circles trying to dissect him mentally, but it won't get you any closer to the truth and will just waste your time.
You won't get an apology.
You won't get any answers.
The more you dwell on this the more it will hurt your mind.
As long as you allow him to go hot and cold and respond to his attention-seeking behavior he will keep doing it and you will still be looking for answers that aren't there.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): Have any of your actions toward him ever given him a reason for his reactions? Own up.
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