A
female
age
41-50,
*izele
writes:My husband decided to be in the wedding of his "best friend" with out even discussing it with me. The issue is the best friend has a sister who has said horrible things about us. When I asked him about it he said he was going and that I can choose to go or stay or take a trip. Am I being unreasonable in questioning his level of respect for me? What kind of place am I being put in?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 October 2009):
It isn't the sister's wedding, so it's not serious. And you really can't ask him not to go to his best friend's wedding. The worst thing to do is put him in the middle of something like this, where he is forced to choose between his best friend, or his girlfriend. I'd say let him go to it (you don't have to) and go and spoil yourself for the day! :)
A
female
reader, Accountable +, writes (2 October 2009):
 I would understand if it were the sister's wedding, but as it isnt i'm inclined to say that you are being a little unreasonable. I know that I wouldnt want somebody (least of all a best friend!) to refuse to come to my wedding just because of something my sister said!
Now if you feel uncomfortable being there, then you are perfectly within your rights to decide not to accompany your husband. I doubt he was trying to guilt trip you when he told you that. Have a day out with some friends or something - the spa suggestion above is a good one! But don't try to lay guilt onto your husband for choosing to be a part of his best friends wedding - to be honest I don't entirely understand why you think this a reflection on his level of respect for you? Maybe he should have discussed it with you, but I suppose he just made an on the spot decision (as most would) and thought you'd support him.
Good luck anyway!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (2 October 2009):
 This isn't the sister's wedding, so she shouldn't be the issue. Your wedding was your day, this day is his best friend's. Best friend's generally want to share this occasion with each other. If you had a best friend getting married, and asked you to be her brides maid, you'd accept and tell him what you are dong, not leaving open for discussion or whether or no you should.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): I'd plan a fantastic day out for yourself and some friends and enjoy yourself. Maybe a pamper day at a spa. Weddings are not always the best events and can be false for guests - you don't need to put yourself in an awkward situation if you don't need to. Your husband can do what he likes and as this guy is his best friend then I can understand - men don't see women being bitchy as an issue its like "so what?" whilst us girls get pretty mad about it. To that extent you feel he is being disloyal. Best advice is whatever you do don't just stay at home and brood about it all day while he is there. Make sure that when people at the wedding enquire where you are he can say "Oh she's at a spa day with her friends" (or similar). They'll most likely wish they were too!! :-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): I don't think you can ask him not to go to his best mates wedding. From your question, it sounds like you found out about it from someone else, and that is a bit rude, not even because of the sister bad mouthing you guys, but just because your his wife and its nice to know these things. If it was indeed him that told you then I think perhaps you're letting your anger toward this girl blur your judgement. If one of my friends didn't come to my wedding because of something my sibling said I'd be very hurt. Weddings are so lovely, you should forget about that girls spiteful words and go be with your husband and have a great time. X
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