A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have gone through over 11 years of sexual and verbal abuse by my husband. The pain is too much for me. I have had suicidal thoughts of dying and wanted to do all sorts of crazy things that would cause me to die. The type of sexual abuse I have been experiencing is my husband's rule that I should not touch him not even when I sleep next to him. For most of the marriage I had to sleep in a bed all alone. He does not spend any time with me or our three children at all and he treats me like a personal whore. He alone has the authority to touch me up whenever he wants to and I had to wait for up to about 5 months sometimes before he would have sex with me just one time only and bathe. He would then go into the living room to watch pornography and masturbate. That hurt me so much for years until one day when I caught him masturbating while watching a man dancing provocatively in a dance hall video. He rewinded the video and continued to pump his penis. The thought of suffering all these years because God did not give me a penis to show my husband is very painful.I need your help to try to figure out what the problem is. He keeps telling people how much he loves me and the children that he never spends time with. Sometimes he looks at me and says you look beautiful and then walks away until for some strange reason he wants to have mercy on the sheep that he got married to. Is my husband gay or is he just bisexual. He loves to have vaginal sex from behind and gets turned on just by thinking about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): My educated guess is that he is bisexual. If he is abusive, that is a separate issue. he may get sexual pleasure from hurting you, such as spanking or whipping you so he can have an orgasm, either with you or by masterbating. What you are describing is a miserable marriage and a horrible life. You need to ask yourself what you are gaining from this. I'd suggest writing down the pros and cons, one column for each. You can then see that the cons will probably outnumber the pros.
If you are suicidal, even occasionally, you MUST help yourself. You have children who need you. If you were gone, would you want them in the care of your husband and his next victim? NO, you wouldn't. So please take care of yourself by getting counseling, seeing a doctor or a religious adviser to learn ways to take care of yourself.
The alternative is going on as you are. The fact that you wrote to here tells us that you don't wish to continue in this situation. If you need permission to end it, here it is. No one would blame you for getting out of this - NO one, unless they didn't know what you have endured. You live no better than an animal that he can kick if he feels like it. Think of what your children see! Think of yourself as their role model. Would you want any one of them to end up in a situation like yours? Again, no. You are permitted to leave this man. Please do it right away for your sake and that of the kids. Don't let anyone convince you to stay, including him. He's a jerk and you deserve so much better.
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