A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,I am hoping you guys can help me with something.I have been with my partner now for a few years now and we get on great. Last year, he got himself a dog and I genuinely love this dog a great deal myself.However, I can't help but feel that as of recently, he has perhaps been taking advantage of me looking after the dog. He had a family event to go to on Saturday and asked me to look after the dog. His cousin had come over from another city and was staying the night at his.I also want to add that I don't live with him currently and I need to drive nearly an hour to see him. We have discussed moving in together and are still in the process of sorting it out. That night, at around 1am, I was woken to someone coming in. I checked the house and no one was there. I then was woken again an hour later to his cousin coming in, but no boyfriend. I found that quite strange but went back to sleep. I was then woken once again at 5am to my boyfriend coming in. His alarm went off two hours later to take the dog out, but he ignored it and fell back asleep which led me being woken up again to his dog needing out two hours later. I got up and took his dog out.After his cousin left, I asked him why they both came in at different times. He told me he met his downstairs neighbour and her friends when they were out and went back to her flat with the cousin for more drinks. He came into the house at one in the morning to get some drinks which explains why I heard the door opening but no one there and then at two, he dropped his cousin off because he was falling asleep before heading back down to the neighbour's house again. I asked why he didn't just come home with his cousin as he had been out for 12 hours at that point.He told me that he still had a full glass of drink and was enjoying that chat as she was telling him about her sex life and the fact that she is sleeping with a married man.I was a bit upset about it, but I needed to leave to meet up with a friend so I dropped it.I just feel that he was taking advantage of the fact that he did not need to rush home to see to the dog because I was there sorting him out. If he had told me that he was downstairs with his neighbour, I think I would not have minded too much.He did say he was going to ask me to come down, but did not think I would have wanted to head down that early especially as I was in bed.He has also asked me to look after the dog Friday to Sunday this weekend as he is going "camping with the boys" and his parents can't look after him full time. His sister and brother-in-law also live close by but he has not asked them to help out. He said that he wouldn't be able to go if I can't look after the dog and he can't take the dog because the place is full of ticks. Therefore, he was relying on me. I felt a little pushed to do it to help him out. I don't mind looking after his dog here and there, but I am starting to feel used. If he is going out with his friends, he always asks me to look after him. I just find it quite lonely and the fact that he did not come up to speak to me, instead choosing his neighbour and her friends really upset me. Especially as I had been looking after his dog and alone for 15 hours by the time he came back.I don't want to come across as needy, but I am driving up to see him, not really his dog.I have also noticed that whenever we go out with my friends, he always makes a point that we need to get back for the dog. However, when out with his friends, the dog can conveniently go all night without needing to be seen to. I just hope that I am not coming across as needy, but I do only see him Friday through to Sunday and I really value our time together.
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cousin, married man, neighbour, sex life Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2022): You are being a doormat and far too willing and accommodating. Most girlfriends would tell him to take care of his own dog or stay at home. Others would agree to do it now and then but have a life of their where they are not at his beck and call to be always available when it suits him. The more you do that the more he will arrange to go and do other social stuff safe in the knowledge that you are his doormat always ready to fill in and never too busy. One thing that guys hate about women is when they are always pliable and willing, it takes the fun out of it, there is no challenge they no longer see you as a person with your own personality - and a brain. It does not make them like you more it makes them like you a lot less.
You always become their plan b then.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2022): It is clear to me that he does not want you to move in, why would he, when he can have you come back and forth for as long as he wants when he wants instead? He gets all the advantages of you living with him now, he does not need to make it official or give in return.
He is selfish and childish, what on earth do you see in him, I feel sorry for his dog. The dog has no choice. You do have a choice. There are plenty of men out there in the world why settle for him?
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A
female
reader, QueenCupcake +, writes (26 April 2022):
 The fact that he chose to spend the time that was meant for you to talking to some other woman about her sex life even though he’d already left you about 15 hours at that point really really rubs me the wrong way. And like Kenny, i’m curious to know why you weren’t invited to this family function considering how long you guys have been together.
To be quite honest with you, OP, your boyfriend just seems very immature and irresponsible. You guys have been together for two years, you haven’t moved in together, he doesn’t take it family functions, and he just uses you as a dog sitter. He really needs to sort out his priorities.
I would put your foot down if I were you. Make sure you let him know that you are not a dog sitter and that you feel that you’re being taken for granted. You should not stand for this. And he shouldn’t be relying on you to look after his dog so that he can go out with the boys. It’s not your fault if he doesn’t get to go, it’s his own fault. It is his dog, he should be taking responsibility instead of acting like a child
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (26 April 2022):
 He is most certainly taking you for granted, it is his responsibility to look after the dog not yours, if he can't look after it he should never have got the dog in the first place.
As you say its an hours drive to go over and see him and you end up seeing more of the dog than you do your own boyfriend. I think that rolling home at 5am from a family get together then expecting you to get up because he can't is pityful.
I have to ask, you have been with him for two years now so why was you not invited to this family event?. After two years i would of thought you would have been invited, instead you drove all that way just to look after the dog.
Now he is arranging subsequent dog sitting duties for you. OP, yo have to nip this in the bud now, you have got to say NO, end of.
He is going camping, camping is normally in wide open spaces so why can't the dog go as well. Alternatively there are kennels, and family members that could also help out, you should not be lumbered with these duties.
Speak up now, tell him you have got other plans when the camping trip comes about.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2022): What did he do? Go buy a dog to act as your ball and chain? Leave you stuck at home babysitting HIS dog, while he maintains a busy social-life?
Girlfriend, it's the principle of it all. When a person can be so tone-deaf and out-of-touch they are unaware when they're doing something wrong! Like he doesn't mind your inconvenience; but his fun and social activities are ever increasing. Without you, because somebody has to watch HIS dog!!!
Yes, in deed he is taking advantage of you! Isn't it obvious? It's constantly becoming one event after another. If I were in your shoes, I'd occasionally suggest he place his dog in a kennel. If he wants a dog, he should stop dumping his responsibilities on you! You may as well get your own dog! Case in point, out until 5 am; he slept through the alarm, cuz he knew you'd get-up and poo the dog! Seriously?!!
Now stop! He is due some benefit of the doubt. Consider all his boyfriend duties. Does he work on your car for free? Does he do odd-jobs and a lot of favors for you? Can you depend on him for rides to and from the airport, to run errands for you, he remembers your birthday, and other special occasions. He buys you sweet little keepsakes, thoughtful gifts, and Christmas presents; and doesn't seem to mind how much he spends on dinner or a night out with you. Oh, and he loves to take you out to have a good-time! These things are signs of a great boyfriend. If you don't get any of these things; you're are most definitely being taken for granted!
This isn't necessarily something to dump your boyfriend over. It's an indication that you're being too sweet, and not assertive enough. You are not letting him know when he's being inconsiderate and selfish. Don't blame him when you've spoiled him!!! You may as well face it, now he's pushing the envelop! You are allowing him to use your affection for him, and the dog, as an excuse to dump his own responsibilities for it onto you. He is also presuming on your time, as if his life and time are more important than yours.
Before you move-in with anybody, they need to respect you! They should appreciate you!
I don't recommend moving in with him anytime soon. These are some red-flags that should be seriously considered and addressed. You need to practice setting boundaries, and sharing responsibilities. Stop being so much of a pushover! Not just with him, but with anyone. Not to mean you shouldn't be kind and generous. Just don't be anybody's sucker! When he can do it with no conscience or any guilt whatsoever! It's also a test, to see how much he can getaway with...because you love him. That's a bad thing...a terrible thing!!!
You're supposed to be loving and willing to do favors for those you love; but their love has to be reciprocated through their respect, loyalty, and appreciation. You deserve better, and you wrote your post because you know that. You're too busy being nice, to stickup for yourself. You're not hurting the dog by saying you won't babysit. He'll just have to find somebody else. He doesn't ask others first, or bother; because he's got you. He might even lie, and claim nobody else is available. How would you know any different? He'd rather not bother or inconvenience them; but he should also consider how it could be a bother, or inconvenience for you. Even when you won't say so. Do you get what I'm saying, sweetheart?
Girlfriend, next time he brings the dog, or calls to set-up a dog-sitting appointment...say "no!" If he isn't taking you along, let him take the doggone dog!!! You don't need a reason or excuse! Just that it's happening far too often; and you don't feel he appreciates what you do for him. Don't fall for his sweettalk, pouting, or sappy flattery! Stick to your guns about it!!! Respect also has to be earned.
It will be a cringe standing-up for yourself. It will make you squirm, but you have to do it. Practice saying "NO!" That's how he will learn to respect and value you; but not take your kindness and affection for granted. Make sure he is considerate now, before you go shacking-up with some guy to be his bed-warmer, live-in maid, cook, housekeeper, laundress, and dog-sitter. That's exactly what you're being primed for, kiddo!!!
Just in case mama never told you; or has, and you need to be reminded. Marriage-proposals are always on-hold, and may never come, for sappy-ladies who become "faux-wives" to guys who get all the benefits for nothing in-return!!! You will never get a ring on it! If all a dude has to offer you is his penis; girlfriend, it's not his fault if that's all you'll settle for.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (25 April 2022):
 OP,
He IS taking you for granted.
Just say no! You are watching the dog because you are trying to "prove" to him that you are a great GF, but seriously, it's OK to tell him no if you really don't want to watch the dog.
GO out with YOUR friend while he is away on his "boys weekend". That dog is NOT your responsibility! Also, Why can't he bring the dog camping?
It was MORE important to him, to socialize with his neighbor than go home and go to sleep/see you/take the dog out.
He is SO used to YOU stepping up with regards to the dog.
Can you imagine when/if you have kids? He'll still want to go out drinking with the boys, the neighbor and if the kiddo wakes up crying, well YOU are there, right?
You need to have a chat. It doesn't make you NEEDY to not want to come watch his dog so HE can go freaking drink with his cousin and the neighbor!
"I have also noticed that whenever we go out with my friends, he always makes a point that we need to get back for the dog. However, when out with his friends, the dog can conveniently go all night without needing to be seen to."
So, when you are out with YOUR friends and he "thinks" he needs to get back to the dog, tell him, sure, you do that, I'm going to stay and hang out with my friends!
This is an issue because YOU don't speak up. You just let it fester. You pretend it's all gravy.
If you don't WANT to watch the dog, then don't. YOU are under NO obligation to do so.
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