A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'd really like some outside opinions on this.I live at home with my parents, and attend school. Recently however, my home life has become extremely chaotic. There are tears, temper tantrums, and angry fights several times a week between my parents.This has gone on for about six months, and is getting worse. One parent confides in me frequently, and is overwhelming me with the issues.I am stressed and feel boxed in, and one day suggested moving out for the first time. I was angrily told off, and then told "Thank you for abandoning your family" Am I in the wrong? Is moving out a selfish thing to do? How do I help my parents? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012): you help by been independant and reminding them that you are grown up now, and it is about time they did the same. Let them get on with it....and leave you out of it. no emotional blackmail and manipulation. Adults are not all grown up and using you as a tool for side taking is not fair.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 February 2012):
 No if you can afford to move out, maybe now is the time. It's THEIR problems and they should not involve you, they need to sort that stuff out between themselves you are not the UN!
Honey, I would sit them down separate or together (whatever you think will help YOU the most) and tell them.
I'm sorry they are involving you that way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012): I don't think it's fair for either of your parents to bring you into this and give you an emotional burden; you have enough distress of your own from living there so say that to both parents.Could you move in with another relative as a short-term measure while you leave them to fight it out? It could be that things will settle down or alternatively that they split up, but it would give you a bit of space.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (4 February 2012):
 Moving out is not selfish. They cannot expect you to be their emotional outlet forever and you should not feel as though you have to be. Your parents need to start communicating properly. If they have something to say, instead of confiding in you, encourage them to talk to each other.
Do not feel as though you are being selfish. You have been there for them enough already, they have to start facing their own problems now. If they need you to be there for whatever reason, then by all means be there, but only if it means they are looking for a peaceful resolution to their conflicts. Otherwise, if you carry on this way, it will only hold you back from pursuing your own life.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, tocansam +, writes (4 February 2012):
Well darlin', right now, you need to think about you. Maybe if you move out your parents will see what their fighting has done and it will stop. You are old enough to the point where they cant tell you your abandoning your family. Your simply growing up.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (4 February 2012):
 Nope.. your parents are selfish for making your home life so stressful and upsetting. Your parents are selfish for asking you to play piggy in the middle and get in the middle of their arguments.Your old enough to tell them that their marriage problems are none of your business and you aint interested and you don't want to be involved anymore.They choose each other, they married each other, nobody asked if you wanted to be born. Nobody is asking you if you want to live in a home where there is always fights. Children deserved to have a happy, safe home.. if your parents can't provide this, then of course (if you can) then you should move out.Sit both of them down together and explain your ashamed of their behaviour, it's affecting your health, and if they can't behave like proper adults with family responsibilities, then you have no option but to move out.Your parents sound like your children and your the only adult. Good parents try to protect their children from this type of noise and drama.
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