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female
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anonymous
writes: I've always been really bad at relationships, never having one for longer than a week because once i've got them i'm no longer attracted to them, and i give them the cold shoulder until they dump me. Then i met this guy and we fell in love and everything was perfect and i felt totally committed and happy. We broke up, but now we're back together, only the relationship is like it was with every other guy and i'm not interested. I don't want to dump him, i'm just sort of hoping that things will go back to how they were before. What can i do, and how can i stop this pattern from continuing with future relationships?
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female
reader, joanna44 +, writes (22 May 2006):
 it sounds as if your scared of commitment and getting hurt so just take things slow with this guy,and see how it turns out, really make the effort with him and you might end up liking what you get back.
i used to be like this and when i met a guy i truely fell for i really made all the effort to make sure it wasnt like my past boyfrineds.trust me hun give it ago.
gd luck hope it all works out 4u! x x
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (21 May 2006):
 I used to be a lot like this as well. If the relationship was fun and *not serious* there wasn't a problem. But the minute they started hinting that they were interested in settling down and doing any of this living together/marriage type thing, I would go cold and run in the opposite direction. I think a lot of it was to do with *growing up*. I sometimes feel a bit *trapped* now, although I adore my husband and would never leave him or cheat on him. When I met him I moved in with him within the month. Eight years and one child later we are still together and happy and I know my own personality well enough to realise that I am with a good guy and not to be scared of this awfully big *grown-up* COMMITMENT thing!!
I am not an insecure person. Just an individual who needs a lot of personal space. You sound pretty much the same. I think that one day you will meet someone and it will all click into place. Until then, keep kissing those frogs and enjoy your life. When you are meant to settle down it will happen.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2006): I think you have to address why you stop finding the other person attractive and then cause the relationship to end.
I'm going to take a massive guess on your character here and say, it's not because you're bad at relationships, it's because you don't have much, if any, confidence in yourself.
You don't believe that someone could love you and although this relationship started out differently, and that you had started to trust this guy, your deeper problem of self-hatred and fear of rejection is causing you to destroy this relationship too.
What was it you found attractive about this guy? Was he a good listener, dependable, did he respect you and show you he cared about you? Was it these things that made him different from the other guys you've been with?
I think you have to address the reasons in your past for why you feel the way you do about yourself, and why you regard relationships negatively. This is how you will find your true feelings for your boyfriend, and to be more commited in the future to a good relationship.
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