A
female
age
30-35,
*rina18
writes:okay so me and my boyfriend has been together for 5 months almost 6 months, and all we do is argue slmost everyday, i love him 2 death and i kno he loves me too. i feel like i am going 2 lose him sooner then later. but i dont want to lose him because he is my heart and another thing i showed up at his house unnanouned, and he got mad, but my thing is im your girlfriend, im suppose to be the one that you cant live without. please help me i need all the good advice i can get. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (14 January 2012):
Hi there. When he was upset at you turning up at his house unannounced, he might have seen that as controlling.
Most men like to be in control of what happens in the relationship. By that I mean, they like to set the pace of it, and how slow or how fast things move along.
Perhaps the reason you argue is that you feel some uncertainty, and are wondering where it's all going.
You might be wondering if there is a future to it or not.
If that's not it, well then maybe it's that he doesn't take you out enough.
Maybe when he comes to see you each time, he plonks himself down on the lounge and stays there. So then what happens is you both sit there and watch television. And that's your date!
If that's what you are upset about, you really need to express your feelings about that.
So what I am really saying here, is whatever it is you both argue about all the time, it needs to be looked at.
Is it always the exact same things that you argue about?
You haven't said what it is that you mainly argue about each time, and you don't need to tell us, however it will be to your own benefit if you have a think about the things you fight about.
If he makes complaints about things you said or did and you complain about the things he said or did, well then if you become aware of what those things are, well then you are on the way to resolving any issues you both have with each other.
If you always just argue and try to convince the other or your position, well then it's always going to be an uphill battle for both of you.
When you both argue, you need to listen and read between the lines of what he is saying, to find the answers.
If it's neither uncertainty about the future (for you), or it's not that he doesn't take you out enough, then perhaps it's simply a case of you just can't agree on some things.
In other words, a difference of opinion.
That's going to happen in any relationship, because you are two different individuals and so you are therefore NOT the same, and never will be.
So that comes down to acceptance of this.
You won't always think the same on everything. It's just not possible, and to expect that you will, is completely unrealistic.
Sometimes - in any kind of relationship (family, friend, romantic relationship) - it comes down to agreeing to disagree, and just leave it at that.
You can never force your model of the world onto others, and they can't do that with you either. The world just doesn't work that way at all.
So the truth is, it really depends on what it is you do argue about the most often. That needs to be looked at.
Another reason for arguing almost constantly, is that he might have some habits you don't like, and instead of politely telling him, you say nothing and then it becomes a resentment - which stews over and over inside of you.
Do you think you resent some of the things he does?
If so, you need to respectfully tell him so he knows about it and can change how he does things. Otherwise, he might be completely unaware.
Another reason could be, does he go out with his mates all the time and you hardly see him? That's likely to make you annoyed with him.
Or, does he break a date he previously planned with you, to go out with his mates - at the last minute? That would also be a reason to be upset with him.
There are so many things it could be that you both argue about, and I am only guessing here at what it could possibly be.
Ultimately though, it can't continue on the way it is. It's only going to get worse, the longer you leave it without saying something to him.
So for this reason, it all needs to be got out in the open - once and for all. The sooner the better. You need to sit down with him and say all that's on your mind. And he can do the same.
It's the only way you are ever going to resolve this properly.
And if you are not prepared to do this, well you might as well say goodbye to him now.
Unless you do have this discussion with him, your relationship has no future at all.
Do not delay it any longer.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 January 2012):
 There really is no trick to this, you both just need to sit down and talk to each other about all the problems you are having. There is obviously something wrong in the relationship if you are spending all your time arguing. If you both want to make this work then you both need to sit down and talk to each other and try and figure out where the arguments are coming from and how you can solve them. As for him going mad about you turning up unannounced well ask him why, ask him what the problem was.
...............................
|
