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male
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*ndoftherope
writes: I have been married for five years, and my wife become pregnant very early in the relationship. Our first child has special needs and brought us closer together initially. We now have three children and things couldnt be worst. She has given up drinking completely and doesnt enjoy any of the things that originally brought us together. All she want to do is complain about what I am not doing, even though I work 12hr days and do all the maintenance around the house and help with the kids after my four hours of sleep. My wife is a stay at home mom and does a very good job with the children, but I dont think I can take anymore of the constant complaining. Not to mention she is horrible with the money. I am very close to calling it quits, any suggestions
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male
reader, iamsoscrewedup333 +, writes (8 May 2006):
my suggestion is to seek help and try a marrige counselor before doing anything rash. If she is not willing to go then maybe your are right. I am in somewhat the same kind of situation. I am very unhappy in my marriage, 2 kids and everything. I tried to "stuff" my feelings of the sort you are talking about and all it did for me was to lead to drug abuse to try to forget the way I felt all the time which was depresed, ashamed and inadequate. Me and my wife currently go to a MC and, although it is still not perfect, it helps a LOT.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2006): she's probly stressed and feels like she's dealing with everything on her own. she's tired of the same thing everyday. of having to deal with a special needs child and taking care of the other 2 and not having time to herself. this is something normal that women go through with this when they have children to take of and the husband is working so many hours, they feel alone and are desperate for some rest. taking care of children is very hard work even though it doesnt seem like it. you're doing a good job by helping around when you're home. she needs some time to herself and needs to rest. that could explain why she has spending money habits. thats her way of having fun and resting from the same thing everyday. men have there way of releasing stress like going out to a bar or going out with there buddies. women aren't any different, except they dont go to bars they like to shop and whatever they buy seems to make them happy for that moment. she's rewarding herself for all the hard work she's doing. if you know that you're doing good in helping around the house just ignore her complaining. you're not the problem. she's just tired. and also, hire a babysitter for the weekends and go out and enjoy yourselves. look this is just a phase she is going thru and she'll get over it when the children are a little bigger and more independent like bathing themselves, making themselves food...they could even help around the house. there is no need for divorce. the years will go by, she wont have so much work to do, and she'll have plenty of time to herself and wont complain all the time. good luck!
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female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (6 May 2006):
 good ideas leave her for some one else
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (6 May 2006):
 I have worked with many families that include children with special needs so I appreciate how stressful it can be! It sounds like you are working very hard to provide for your family, but it is also probably true that she is working very hard bringing up the children at home. Perhaps she feels a bit stressed, isolated etc at home, and you are probably very very tired as well as emotionally exhausted dealing with family, work, and your partners demands. You say that your wife has given up all her old interests and that is a sign of clinical depression - you might be the nearest available target for her distress. Maybe you both need a holiday away from the children (...any grandparents to help out?) or should seek professional counselling before you call it quits; after all if you don't try something before you leave you will be constantly wondering 'what if' later on.
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