A
male
age
,
*ohn michael lewis
writes:every relationship ive ever had has ended abruptly and has never lasted more than a few months. even though she says its not you its me, i just never seem to know why or how i can make sense of it bcos it happens so suddenly. just as all my relationships have gone so has the one i most recently had. im ready for the next one even though this pattern im on takes so long to get to her. i know theres something im missing and who out of all of you can know the answer? ive been working on it for decades and i keep learning and learning and somehow not getting any smarter. getting on my knees and praying to GOD and reading my bible helps a lot spiritually, but getting real life help is a blessing from all of you--thank you. this site really rocks and i really need input that works. can you figure out the solution im looking for and cheer up my heart? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): Dude where are you meeting women? You might have some kind of pattern there. Try to change that! I'll suggest having someone set you up and matchmake. Usually close friends and family know you well and can help with that. No shame in it at all as who best to help you find someone than someone who cares immensely about your life?
The female anon may have a point about talking to a counselor. Ive done that it helped me tremendously man and she wasnt that expensive. I was embarrassed as s*** to talk to her and did it online and it was still very effective. Keep your head up pal!
A
female
reader, dont understand men +, writes (25 December 2010):
I will be honest with you . Most probably these girls are losing interest in you and they do not see a future with you and they do not want to hurt your feelings by admitting that you did not turn out to be what they expected to be . If this is happening all the time probably in the beginning of the relationship you are advertising something that you can not give on a regular basis . Are you going after girls too young or too pretty or too wealth or something too much- that makes them high maintenance .
Maybe you are looking wealthier or cooler than you really are – then after a while they see the real deal. If this happened only couple of times , keep searching you will find the right woman eventually .
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (25 December 2010):
 sounds like you are a nice guy, so they let you go, gently.
But yes there is some sort of communication problem or other problem that becomes a deal breaker after some time.
If you were to do an Emotional Intelligence test that might show up areas that are causing issues' to become
a problem.
Go through the usual physical issues. Though physical very unlikely as the relationships are continuing a while before folding. (, that can become concernsuch as poor attention to daily showering/deoderant, or is it snoring, excessive burping, hallitosis, flatulence, other physical issue.
Go through the usual social issues that can cause problems such as very rigid judgmental views. Look at if you can manage a conversation well, not interrupting.
Look at how well you do or do not manage your finances.
Do you gamble excessively - that can upset the applecart.
Look at if you have any controlling family member who interferes in your friendships.
Look at if you eat in a way that disgusts:noisy, talk with mouth full.
Look at if you tell the same stories over and over. Or if you tell jokes that are not funny to anyone, except you.
If none of the usual contenders are relevant then you will/really have to put your thinking cap on. Maybe ask for an exit interview next time, and ask for brutal honesty, not platitudes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010): maybe you might want to see a counselor to help you figure out how to communicate more effectively, that way if this "it's not you it's me" thing happens again you can hopefully be able to communicate with the other person to understand why they are breaking up with you, even if it doesn't save the relationship at least you would have some constructive feedback for the next time.
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