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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I was in a relationship for just over 3 years which was really stressful but has recently ended. I found out that he had been seeing another lady after about 18 months & we broke up. He kept calling, sending emails & txts and eventually I gave in. He asked me to move in with him to prove that he loved me and that he only wanted to be with me but breaks up with me whenever I am meant to move in. Since all this, I have been so paranoid and we have broken up because of this as well. Normally when this happens, he bombards me with calls and txts and I ignore them but he turns up at my flat and I end up forgiving him. This time, I haven't ignored him but he keeps saying how painful it is, that he loves and misses me but doesn't think it can work. These calls are really hurting me, I just feel like I am getting past it and he calls again. I don't understand how you can just give up if you love someone but I accept that is what he wants, why won't he accept that I need a clean break to get over it? Thanks for reading this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2005): So what exactly is going on here? Why won't your ex let you go and and leave you alone? Why won't your ex let you get over this heart ache?
The reason is usually the same. The reason why your ex is stringing you along is because he doesn't really want to let you go entirely. Your ex can still see a future with you. If he never wanted to see you again that person would never call you again and would avoid you like the plague. The fact that he keeps you close should tell you that you are still near and dear to his heart. But he's playing with you and he's terribly immature.
So then why all the break ups? Why did your ex leave you if he or she still wants to be with you? Well, there could be a number or reasons. The biggest reason being that your ex is going through a “selfish phase”. Your ex feels like he hasn't gotten everything out of his system yet. This is very akin to a midlife crisis or it could be because your ex was too young for a relationship. Your ex feels the need to get out there, party, date and explore. At the same time, your ex knows that in the very near future he will want to settle down. But right now, your ex is not ready for that commitment. He wants his cake and he wants to eat it too. But...he wants you to be there should he need you again. He's a master at this game and he playing with your emotions badly. Do what you have to...but get this man out of your life. Move...change your phone number...change workplaces...but he's not woerth it.
He created alot of heartache for you and that is such a selfish, unloving thing to do. Listen to the pain and your soul. Pain is the teacher of last resort, but it is a very valuable teacher when we truly begin listening to it. What’s happening to you isn’t your fault, but you’re the only one who has any power to change you circumstance. Get him out of your life, once and for all. Do all that it takes. One final thought: has this guy got potential to become a stalker? I often worry about guys that just can't take NO for an answer, Good luck.
A
male
reader, heteloto +, writes (20 July 2005):
Wow.
Well.
Sometimes you can love someone, and it just isnt right.
He probably calls you because more then his feeling that you two should be apart, he feels scared to be alone.
Its a comfort thing.
The best thing for both of you is to kindly ignore him.
Give your phone to someone to hold so you dont feel the urge to call, or answer his distress calls.
Dont answer the door if he is arriving at your flat.
Focus on yourself, dont give in because it seems maybe you too are scared to be alone.
He will hurt you more and more untill you decide to give in. But as long as you alow him to hurt you, he will.
move on, move ahead.
are
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A
female
reader, lilcarla +, writes (20 July 2005):
The reason why he keeps asking for your realtionship to work is because he loves you alot and he doesn't know how to let go. I think you are doing the right thing by not answering his calls and messages. The more you answer the calls and except him back the more its going to be hard to turn him down. Also its not doing anything but hurting you more. I hope this answers your question.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2005):
I think the hardest part of breaking up with someone is HABIT.
You are used to seeing and calling each other every day.
When you break up with someone after so long - your brain doesnt realise and it is wanting to do what it has done for the last 3 years - because it is habit.
What you need to do is find another habit to fill the time you used to spend with him.
I think the hardest time is going to bed alone at night. So try and do something else to occupy yourself. Give yourself a facial or paint your nails or read a book (a non romantic one preferably).
Once you realise that you arent meant to be and you are not working as a couple. The best thing is to move on. It seems you both realise this, so you are half way there. You both just need to move on.
Goodluck!
And remember, as corny as it sounds, there are hundreds of people living in the same state as you that are compatible to you. You just have to be open minded and sift through the crap to find the right one for you. :)
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