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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi there,I am feeling very sad. The guy I was seeing broke it off with me a few nights ago. I am 25 he is 27. We got on so well and things were going great. He told me he really liked me, how amazing I was and how he hadn't been with someone he felt this much for in a long time. He has not been in a serious relationship for the last 5 years! The week I met him I had broken up with my bfriend of 4 years, so maybe was not a good idea to start seeing someone else so soon. I found it easy as was still in relationship mode and he was good-looking, charming and we got on very well. He even met my parents and one another's friends.Then it all started going wrong when I brought up the subject of our relationship, which he wasn't too happy to talk about. We had been seeing each other for 2 months at this point. I also bought him tickets to a concert for his birthday, which he was happy about, but the night of the concert things did not seem right between us, not how they had been at all and I felt quite crap the next day.We saw one another for the first time in a month the other night. As we had both been away on various trips. We were still in contact but not seen one another. He told me last night it was not working and didn't really give me a reason why, he has arranged to go away for xmas on his own so wanted to tell me before. I was so gutted. I just don't know how things could go so wrong so quickly. Perhaps he is looking for someone perfect. It was awful when we met as he it was really awkward and we had always been able to talk to one another so easily. He was cold and was making no effort at all. This made me feel awful. He said when we went to the concert that he did not have as good a time as he should have done then started having doubts. I just want to know what I did wrong that's all as he didn't really go into it much, then again guys never really do. I think I should take time out to myself and not be with anyone for a while. I have lots of friends who are there for me so I think it's the best idea.part of me still really likes him. Do you think there could ever be a chance with us again? I want to contact him and ask why, although I know the best thing is to keep my dignity and not contact him, often people come back. I just feel hurt as he seemed so nice and didn't think he would do this to me. Thank u.x Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2006): Hi, the thing you probably did that worked against you was to be the first person in this pairing to bring up the relationship talk....it is not wrong, but men and women are different, especially young men and women.
Men need to be the first to bring this topic up, as unfair as it may seem it is the guys job to ask for a relationship from you and when you asked first it brought up his fears about commitment, not that he did not want a commitment with you, but he fears the whole concept until he is ready to sort out his feelings about you and present you with the idea he won't feel ready and he may even feel trapped.
I don't think all in lost, if you give him some space and stop asking questions about how he feels about you for awhile and just be a friend, not a lover until he asks for an exclusive relationship, then you may get things back on track....I think a better question is to just ask in the beginning, what kind of woman do you respect? And wait for an answer...let him do the asking, in the meantime, all you can do is stay in touch while living your own life.
A
female
reader, Nikita  +, writes (15 December 2006):
 Hi anon, i think you realise that you went out with this guy too soon after the breakup of your previous relationship. you're right when you say that you were still in 'relationship' mode. you were rushing things with the new guy and that scared him and thats why he turned cold on you. in the beginning he probably thought that things would go fine but when he realised that you were maybe getting a bit serious, he freaked a little. not your fault, he's just not the right guy for you. You're right, you do need time with your mates and no guys! go out and have fun okay. you were in a relationship for 4 years so have some single time for a change. i wouldnt contact him again. like you said, just keep your dignity and move on and realise that you didnt really do anything wrong. it just wasnt meant to be. Good luck and enjoy being single!
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A
female
reader, want2die +, writes (15 December 2006):
 So going by what you say, things were just fine until you got talking about your realtionship , right? If thats the case, maybe he is just scared of commitment . Maybe he just wanted to hang around with you without really getting into anything serious. Until and unless you talk it out with him clearly, there's no way you will get to know what is in his mind. Try it just once. If he seems cold , or he doesnt open up ,forget about it. Just take some time out and forget about him for a while. Maybe he will get back to you once he has sorted things out for himself.
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