A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a guy for a couple weeks now. I wrote on here last week as I was worried that he went all off-ish with me after we had an argument... Since then, we met each other on Saturday night. My friends saw him in a few different places when we were out and they said he was just sat, looking like he had a lot on his mind... I know you can never know what he was actually feeling or thinking but they said they just noticed him, seeming very distant. Anyway I played it friendly but cool all night, saw him in a bar and as me and my friends walked past, his friend saw me and immediately nudged him and whispered in his ear--I assumed he was telling him I was there. Anyway, I later walked past a table they were at and I went over. We greeted each other with a smile and I kissed him on the cheek. He started talking to me but then one of our mutual male friends butted in and asked where his kiss was! So i had a quick chat but felt bad that I'd left him sat there! So i gently put my hand on the back of his neck to reassure him (hopefully it did!). We chatted and he told me he was off to another bar soon. So I said that I'd let him get on and to have a good night and said bye. He did look a tad disappointed or rather surprised i guess...? But I didn't want to be that clingy girl and I wanted to enjoy my night with my friends and I wanted the same for him and I felt like him telling me he was going was a bit of a brush off?Later on I saw him outside a bar and he asked me if I was ok and I said hey and walked past. My friends said I was acting like I didn't care! I do so care but I didn't know what was going on with us!Later in a different place, me and my friends were dancing and he came up to me on the dance floor and we gently had our arms around each other. Felt so good and we were smiling and made me so happy and feel secure :o) My friend, being drunk, started bombarding him almost, lol! and he stepped back. He was dancing with a friend and apparently a few girls were grabbing his arm but he just kept shrugging them off and then he went to the bar. I went over to him and things were a bit awkward in the fact that i wanted to kiss him but didn't want to make a move. Then he suddenly said that we needed to talk. So we sat down and he asked me what I wanted to happen between us, which took me completely by surprise. I told him that i'd been thinking about it a lot and that i want to keep seeing him but i need to take things slowly. He said he was worried that i didnt tell him what i think and asked if he seemed that unapproachable. He said I always seem so "eerrrh" about it all. But i thought that he was being blase!!?! I said i felt vunerable about telling him some things. So i asked him what he was thinking and he started reeling off this, almost script, saying how he enjoys spending a lot of time with his friends at the moment and as lots of work to do and that he knows that if he's in a relationship he'll have to make sacrifices and he only has weekends free. He went on about how he didn't want to lead me on and then how he might have to move away at the end of the year and then about his friends having kids and that he knows he should settle down in a few years?! And that he couldn't see me all the time. I was smiling and i said that if we saw each other all the time we'd go mad anyway and asked him why he was thinking about all that now. I told him that i havent been in a relationship for 3 years and i am happy just getting to know him slowly, which i am. When i asked him what he does want he said he hasn't known for years and that ppl have been asking him that for 3 years. We walked to the taxi rank and he kept repeating what he was saying. I said it was fine and that not to worry! But i felt like it wasn't me who he was trying to convince..?! I dunno! We kissed and he said he'd text me. So last night I spoke to him online and we arranged to meet up at the flat I'm moving into to watch a film. I went over there and while i was waiting he texted me saying he was sorry but he couldn't make it anymore... It did annoy and confuse me but i went to my friends and i texted him later saying hoped every things ok. Haven't heard from him since.... What is going on?! I can't recall what he said if he wanted to still meet up or not when we were out drinking?! But i guess he wouldn't have wanted to come see me last night would he? Even though he canceled! Arggh! I was so shocked that he had such and in-depth and emotional chat with me when I've never seen that side of him before. It was really nice though as I felt he trusted me and i want him to feel able to tell me things. He even said that he never talks about emotions, i said I'd noticed, in a jokey way and smiled at him. I just hope he will arrange to meet up with me soon.... What do you think going on in his head and should i ask him to clarify if he does want to meet up still or wait for him to come to me? 'Cause i kinda hope he does! x.
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female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 He sounds like he is struggling with myself. One side wants to stay free and avoid growing up as long as possible, the other side is getting tired of the bar scene and is thinking maybe it is time for him to settle down.
You are doing everything right by not pushing him either way. Which is good because this is one battle he has to decide all on his own. And when he figures it out he should let you know. And that's a line you can tell him.
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