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After 7.5 years together she wants a break. What can I do now?

Tagged as: Cheating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 August 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 12 August 2009)
A male United States age 30-35, *57PUERTORICAN writes:

So my girlfriend broke up with me out of nowhere

so i have dated my ex for 7 years. We have had a rough relationship through the years she cheated on me once along time ago. When we were about 16 she went off with the guy he went to my church and so did she so i saw them together all the time. I was truly hurt by this 6 months after it didnt work between them he cheated on her and we got back together. so then i cheated on her like 3 years after that and recently like mayb a month in a half ago i told her to start exerciseing with me at the gym cause of her weight she was gaining. so after that mayb twice i have said u know like r u gonna eat that it has alot of caslories. i think that hurt her i really think it did. so after that happened we got really busy she has two jobs and i have two jobs for three weeks we saw each other a total of mayb 3 day mayb four after this bieng the way it was for three weeks she just calls me one night and tells me she cant do it no more she needs time to her self buyt this isnt a break its a break up she said but she said she just needs time to herself i was lost she said she aint feel comftorable eating around me and she felt unappreciated but that was just for a couple of weeks i love her to death i always show her love what should i do its been a week and a half since we broke up and still would text her but today she finally stopped texting what should i do i know i underappreciated her but i love her like ive never loved anyone shes my everything 7 years and a half and now this help what can i do

View related questions: a break, broke up, cheated on me, got back together, my ex, text

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A female reader, redgem United Kingdom +, writes (12 August 2009):

redgem agony auntMy partner and I had a break at the beginning of this year. We had been together for 7years and he decided he needed some space. As soon as he saw that I was managing perfectly well with out him he came crawling back. I am not saying this is the case with you guys as it seems if you have both cheated and you cant see past her exterior then maybe you just shouldnt be together! You got together young, maybe you have just drifted apart and now is time to go your separate ways!

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A female reader, hijacked_dignity United States +, writes (12 August 2009):

hijacked_dignity agony auntI'm assuming that you were with this girl ever since your early teens, right? And you haven't really been with anyone else except for the people you two...cheated with. So. That's a lot of time to be together and not know what else is out there. You haven't even casually dated anyone really. The fact that you both cheated on each other isn't exactly a healthy sign in a relationship, and seeing as you both were pretty young at the time means that things might have been a little more damaging than usual. You two have grown quite dependent on each other, so it may be best for you two to take a break. There is nothing wrong with you offering to exercise with her at the gym if she is really gaining weight. As long as you weren't rude about it, it's a really helpful offer. The entire continuous calorie comments probably didn't help her security however. The thing about being in a relationship is that you have to accept how the other is, whether that be physical or emotional.

So now that she has requested a break, I would clarify what exactly she wants out of it. Does she want a chance to date other people? Is that how she defines a break? Or is it that you two are still together, but you aren't going to physically see each other for a while? That way if you do decide to date other women at the time, you'll know if she considers it cheating or not. Once you have that answer, and if the answer is that you two can date other people, I would start perhaps CASUALLY seeing other women. Just a couple dates here and there without the entire sex aspect. That way you can start experimenting with different personalities. A serious relationship with another woman is the last thing you need right now. If this is a permanent thing, you need time to heal and time to getting used to being self sufficient.

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