A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is going to sound stupid but here goes.. I'm 21 and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We love eachother so much :) He's the first person I slept with and at first it was great, I loved it. But all of a sudden I've become scared of it.. When we're fooling around I feel confident and happy until I think he's going to put his finger inside me and then I freak out! We havent had sex for months because every time we've got close to it, I've got scared of him going inside me.. I'm freaking out now even thinking about his penis or finger going in me.. I've tried doing it on my own and I just can't bear to, and we've tried it where he's playing with me down there and does it without telling me when he is, but I've nearly thrown him across the bed every time.. I've not had a bad experience that has made me scared, it just happened all of a sudden! He's so lovely about it, we do other things, and he doesnt put any pressure on me. It's all going well, I'm turned on and relaxed until I say we'll try it and then I freak out.. What's wrong with me :( I don't want to keep saying "yes.. oh wait.. no" to him cause that's not fair.. I just want to be a normal 21 year old and be intimate with my boyfriendThanks for your help xx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2007): Thank you for your advice, I appreciate you taking the time to answer me.He is a great guy, I'm very lucky :) I doubt it's a problem with him I have. We don't have any trust issues and he hasn't done anything to hurt me.I don't know if it's that I have gone off sex, more I'm scared of anything going inside me.. if that makes sense. Even putting my own finger inside me when I'm relaxed and on my own. I'm too embarrassed to talk to a doctor or anyone face to face about it.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (14 March 2007):
 Hi Sweetie,
He sounds like a really great boyfriend - really supportive! I am just going to ditto what the last two Aunties said - Are you sure that there hasn't been some previous truama? Maybe a councellor could shed some light on this. The only reason I am asking is this - women generally have changes in libido, but usually after childbirth, when we are tired and going through physical and challenging role changes. If you have had a sudden change with the same guy, I think you should get a physical, see a gynecologist and if you don't find a physical cause - ask for some more help. Better to be pro-active than sit and worry yourself (and your boyfriend)! There's no chance that you are pregnant, is there? Just a thought. Gook Luck and Take Care.
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A
female
reader, mum2be +, writes (14 March 2007):
You say you have not had a bad experience in the past... are you sure about this? It could be that your mind has blocked out soemthing bad that has happened to you.
Or it could be you are just going off sex.
I presume you have spoken to your boyfriend about it, since you mentioned the different things you have tried, and i suggest that you ask him to step back a little bit...
why don't you take the lead... stroke him, and touch him, kiss him, just do as much as you are comfortable with. You may find that the more he lets you lead, the more confident you become and he may be able to start perhaps just touching you. To start with though, see if you can slip just one finger in, and if this makes you feel sick, then dont let hime do anything like that to you!
Give yourself time... i am sure you'll get over it!
all the best
xxx
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (14 March 2007):
 I can't really answer whether you have gone off sex, only you know this. For women, sex is very much psychological, not just physical as it can be for some men. If there's something on our mind and we're upset with our partner, we withdraw from physical contact with them until it is resolved. It also makes it impossible to have an orgasm as a woman with something on her mind!
I think there must be something that is bothering you at the moment, whether it's with your partner or in your life elsewhere and you need to find out what this is. Are you feeling jealous, insecure or wary of your partner? Has anything happened to make you distrust him? Are you just bored of sex and can't be bothered? Have you had a dream that has put you off it? There are many possible reasons for this, all of which you can work on together.
He sounds like a great guy, really understanding and caring and you need to hang onto him! Work on this together and on your own, you need to find the cause of this. Is it about your partner or about you/your body? If you need further help, see a counsellor to see if they can shed any light on this.
Good luck
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