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female
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anonymous
writes: I posted a question about an ex lover of 26 years ago getting in touch with me , I am happily married have been for 21 years, and get this e-mail from my ex . I have read the replys from crying eyes, cos you are telling me to stop before it gets out of hand... I think it already has..we have been texting and phoneing each other every day since the beginning of April. I can't stop PLEASE PLEASE help I love him and always have and he feels the same way.We both are torn apart inside cos we don't want to hurt our spouses, but we have both always thought that there was something missing in our relationships.He lives in Australia but wants to come home.. i DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2006): Talk to someone, you needn't battle with this alone, get it out, say the words to someone real and hear yourself saying,
" I am about to hurt the man who has been my life partner, I was feeling fine, then someone I haven't seen for over a quarter of a century, made me feel like I did when I was young. I'm so convinced this is love I'm going to rip my family apart. I will stand in a divorce court and tell everyone I'm a middle aged woman who just has to take this chance. I hope my husband won't hurt too badly, I hope our children will still think well of me, and I believe they are all better off without me."
You have it all you foolish woman, a man who loves and trusts you, a shared history, treasured memories, secrets only you and he know, and a drawer full of photos telling the story of your life.
What happens when your old flames' wife finds out...she will.... and she'll hurt and cry just like your husband will, maybe she'll fight for her marriage, maybe she'll look in her drawer full of memories, and get very angry that you are about to destoy them. maybe your new feelings won't be able to survive all this pain
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2006): Are you crazy!? You're chasing someone you havent seen for over a quarter of a century, and what are you basing splitting up your marriage for....someone you dont know anymore, you are chasing your own imagination. This is real life honey. Break off communication with this guy now!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2006): Yes, you know what to do, hun. And the only person who can disallow this to go further, is you. I agree with Eddie and Wendyg...you are in fact, looking for a fling and this is the time when your committment and character come into focus and play a huge role in the life of your marriage and family. You've let down all your emotional boundries and permitted this other man to come into your life and your heart, knowing full well, that this could mean the end of your marriage. You will pay a heavy price if this goes further. A woman with some 'balls and moral fibre" never permits others just to saunter in her life, and blow the lives of people she loves, apart How utterly reckless and selfish is that? Let's get this in perpective, dear. He lives in Australia, you've been texting and e-mailing. You allowed this because you were lonely, he made you feel special and now you are infatuated with the fantasy of what you had 26 years ago. Have you even seen this guy, recently? Have you been in his world, seen how he's changed, actually experienced who and what he really is, now. He may be a totally different person than he was 26 years ago and you could be walking into a nightmare. You are willing to give up 21 years of a good, committed, loving marriage to chase a 'dream'...to go after that elusive thrill of feeling desired, to be with someone you haven't seen in 26 years! Just a hunch...but I can see your future. You will leave your marriage for him, leaving a path of pain and devastation in the hearts of those who love you the most. You will be with this man for awhile but soon the realities of life will set in. And the fantasy will fade because you will miss your husband and family. He will do the same. Then one day, your eyes will be opened up when you see the inner qualities of this ex lover, that simply can't compare to your husband...the qualities that bonded you to your husband, for 21 years. Then you will want to go back to your husband, but don't be surprised if says "no..I can't trust you". And then where will you be. I recommend you go to a marriage counselor and get some professional advice before you make decision. Go on your own and get some real perspectives, thoughts and direction. But...think this through clearly. You have so much to lose. dear. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (24 May 2006):
 I always say follow your heart, i know noone wants to hurt anyone else but you only have one life and in that life you should always be true to yourself.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (24 May 2006):
 I went back and read the original post. If your husband already knows about this guy, you're treating him like a fool. Your husband is giving you his trust and thinking nothing of it. MAny men would be uncomfortable with this. On the other hand, he believes you love him and honour you're marriage. You need to talk to him if you can't put a stop to this nonsense. Your husband deserves better. The more you let this go the worse you look in the end.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (24 May 2006):
If you're happily married, you'll do the right thing. That's leave this other guy alone. I really can't understand the amount of pain we are capable of putting on the people we're supposed to love. What about all the good times you've shared with your husband? Plans, dreams, family etc. Do they mean nothing?
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A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (24 May 2006):
 You want to tear apart a marriage of 21 years for what could turn out to be a fling ? yes it all seems new and exciting because you have been married to the same man for so long! Your now getting the attention of someone else that you once had relations with and its giving you a buzz! Maybe its indidcating that there is something missing in your marriage, but its got to have been working right all this time until mr past came back or you wouldnt have had those 21 years together! Why did he suddenly email you ? Seems to me that his relatiionship wasnt going great so was looking for a distraction, allbeit you have been together before. He came to you, I would ask myself why ? after all this time? I can understand you felt there was something missing, but until he came back into your life you were happy, now you could end up making a very big mistake. Take a back seat, is this fling as thats what its started out to be, worth risking what has been your life for 21 years ? What if he comes back and you realise that he wasnt what you were hoping ? what then, you will have chucked way 21 years of marriage and be left with nothing. He is exactly that an Ex and he must have been an ex for a reason or you would have been together all this time. My advice would be to not make any further contact, see if you cant make things fresh and new in your "happy" marriage you owe your husband that much at least and indeed yourself. Do something together that you havent done in a long time and put mr past back there where he has been all this time. Dont do something that you are going to regret.
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